Everyone knows that your porn star name is made up of the name of your first pet plus the name of the street where you grew up. Mine? "Buffett Leland."
As I was cleaning out my spam folder this morning, I noticed that the names spammers use, presumably to try to trick spam filters, all have the same surreal quality to them -- very similar to the notion in Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy that an alien would think "Ford Prefect" was a perfectly inconspicuous name.
Today, Aleut Z. Grebe, Marsha McClellan, Garth Tompkins, Parker Gonzales, and Celeste Manuel all have important information for me.
I felt like I saw a pattern, and have devised the formula for creating your perfect spammer name. It's slightly more convoluted than the porn star name, so bear with me.
For your first name, take either the first or last name of the first gal/guy you ever kissed, whichever is less common.
For your optional (but recommended) middle initial, use the first letter in the name of your most recent, or youngest pet.
For your last name, use the name of the first school you ever went to that had a person's name attached to it. (For instance, there's not a lot of name fodder in "Our Lady of Grace," so I jumped ahead to my third school, "Joyner Elementary.")
So, Eileen Cirencione plus Zuzu plus Joyner = Cierncione Z. Joyner.
A fine spammer name, if I say so myself. I shall use it to sell OEM software.
What's yours? Post in the comments so I can add it to my spam filter.
Comments
Kate Mackley Verified
Fontana L ... ticky here, since none of my schools were named after people... I'm going to have to go with "Pleasant Hill"... so:
Fontana L Hill
very nice.
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
Todd Maternowski Staff
Heh...my porn name would be Fluffy 14th
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
Blair Lovern Staff
Good Lord, I just realized I never in my life went to a school named after a person. It was always a neighborhood:
Glen Cove, Round Hill, Westside, Oak Grove, Hidden Valley, Cave Spring
Can I use this formula to make my own line of salad dressing?
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
kevin Anonymous
I've always thought "Max Winedale" was a pretty good porn name.
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
repo Anonymous
Diebel R. Carpenter
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
Matt Hembree Verified
Porn: Zeke Fifth Avenue Spam: Sitz C. Grundy
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
Colby Walton Verified
Porn: Jerome Kingston
Spammer: Ruth J. Tomlinson
2 years, 9 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )
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