So, it was a day ending in the letter "y," which meant a big product announcement from Apple -- this time the life-changing product is a glorified Ipod boom box.

Those rascals at local uber-discount community Woot! (c'mon-- surely you know Woot!!), not only offer a stylin' alternative, but they also deliver their inimiatable brand of high comedy in the form of the speech Steve Jobs should have made:

Welcome to a very important, very exciting day. We’ve got some fantastic stuff to show you guys, something I think is really going to be a fun, strong new product. You’ve all bought our iPod already – I think you had to show it at the door just to get in here today, right? (pause for laughter) – and it’s utterly transformed your life. Well, today we invite you to feast your eyes and ears on this! (dramatically uncover product, pause for plaudits & adulation from the yokels)...

Now, some people might say “Hey, my home stereo is part of my home theater system. Denon’s S-101 system includes a high-quality DVD player, lots of A/V inputs, and a good AM/FM tuner. Denon has manufactured elite audio products for decades. And, although the S-101 is iPod-compatible, I can use it without an iPod. Isn’t the Denon S-101 a better option?” (show slide of crying baby – do we have anything involving a messy diaper?)

In response, I ask only one question: is your precious Denon system white? (pause for stunned epiphanies throughout audience, followed by thunderous ovation) ...

One more thing. Remember how cool the old boomboxes were? How great it was to tote a blasting stereo around, totally blasting in stereo? Well, we’re bringing that back. Right now, today. (hoist product onto shoulder, play U2's "Vertigo" over PA, strut across stage like Radio Raheem in Do The Right Thing, bask in rapturous applause) In all seriousness, let’s say – God forbid – that there’s been a nuclear attack. Your house is still standing, but the firestorm is spreading through your hometown and your house is burning down. In the confusion, in the bedlam of an atomic catastrophe, you’ve only got time to save one audio component. Which Denon speaker do you grab? Or maybe just the DVD player/radio thing? Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky and meet up with some post-atomic mutants who have the Denon speakers! (show slides of Mad Max stills, wait for roars of laughter to subside) Who knows, right? Yeah. Well, if you buy our boombox instead, you won’t have this problem...

We take the thinking out of the equation. We give it all to you in one little plastic box here – all you do is add an iPod, turn off your mind off and accept it. That’s what we’re all about. Thank you and hey – have fun! (climb into gilded chair to be carried offstage by footmen)