Through circumstances that are entirely my own fault, I've been without four-wheeled transportation since late May. Fortunately, we had a scooter that I'd gotten April for Christmas during fatter times.

Driving a scooter in Dallas over five months, here's what I've learned.

1. Dallas roads suck. I don't mean in a "everybody bitches about roads" kinda way or a "here's some comparative data from the state" kinda way. I mean in a "I drive a two wheeled vehicle over loosely stitched concrete that looks like it got hit by a major earthquake five years ago" kinda way. First mayoral candidate to personally hit East Dallas with a pick, shovel and some gravel gets my vote.

2. There is WAY more pot smoking going on in this city than I ever would have thought. When a car rolls by you with its windows up and no one apparently smoking at the moment and still smells like Tommy Chong's moustache, you know there's some major ganja in play. I estimate that at least 1% of all Dallas drivers are blowing doobage on the road.

3. There are also far more equestrian centers inside the city proper than one would expect. They may not have signs, but believe me, I know where they are.

4. Dallas roads REALLY, REALLY suck.

5. Motorcycle people are really cool. You would think they would mock my puny vehicle -- I know I would if I was in their shoes, but I'm clearly not as mature as they are. But they give you the high-sign and the same nod of respect you would get if you were driving a classic Harley. Maybe it's a "two-wheels-good/four-wheels-bad" thing.

6. Rolling up on a scooter to a suit-and-tie business meeting where the next cheapest vehicle is a late model Porsche is a great way to throw everyone else off their game.