Says PGA golfer and Tiger Woods match play opponent J.J. Henry in the S-T: "Let's be honest. It's 18 holes. Anything can happen," said Henry, who joined the field Sunday after the withdrawal of South Africa's Charl Swartzel. "I get hot, make a bunch of birdies, I'm capable of beating anybody.... There's no reason why I can't go out and have a great match or even win."

And then writes S-T writer Jimmy Burch: "Blasphemy, you say? Hardly."

I don't say blasphemy but I say what the @#$%!? Yeah, let's be honest, man. Nothing against local boy J.J. Henry. This isn't personal. I can't think of a pro golfer who I despise. It's not like pro wrestling or NASCAR (HEY DID YOU SEE MY CALVIN TAKES A PISS ON PADRAIG HARRINGTON STICKER!?!?!)

But replacing Charl Swartzel is many steps removed from winning the Accenture Match Play Championship or beating Tiger Woods.

Wait, did you say "Charl"?

Yeah, Charl.

Charles?

Charl.

Charrrrrrrrrrrrley?

Charl.

Chaz?

Charl.

Charrrrrrrrlattanooga?

Charl.

Where the hell was I? If J.J. Henry beats Tiger woods today I'll eat my hat. I swear, I will go get one of my many hats on the hat rack at home and eat it and I will put the pictures on this blog of me eating said hat. And I will post a big picture of J.J. Henry, bigger than this one:

And I may get a sex change operation in order to have his baby. I reserve the right to make that decision when the time is appropriate, but I will consider it.

As I type this, the match is all square after two holes. Follow the scoring yourself.