I couldn't have put it any better: "A fetch of rich gulf moisture will migrate northward over much of the region...". (A "fetch?" What the...)

Continuing: "As daytime heating works upon the rich moisture... scattered to numerous thunderstorms will develop each afternoon and linger into the evening through Wednesday." Just as Uncle Joe can be expected to linger at the backyard barbecue scarfing rich brewskis long after the final kielbasa has been jointly consumed by Aunt Marge and the family hound.

Being storm-savvy North Texans, we know all about weather watches and warnings: a "watch" means conditions are amenable to development of whatever the watch applies to (severe thunderstorm, tornado, deadly botulism-laced airborne particulate matter, etc.), while a "warning" implies that the specified disaster is forthcoming: bend over and kiss your storm-shelterless ass goodbye.

But what about a "special weather statement?" It appears the causality behind issuing one of these things is a little more loosey-goosey, the most likely scenario being that the weather bureau's cadre of English majors have had it up to here with just proofreading their meteorologist bosses' dry technical pronouncements, so their handlers cut them loose to write a little weather-related copy of their own.

The resulting output tends to be less quantifiable than the sort of "40% chance of..." forecasts issued by actual weather doctors (and then proofread by the under-appreciated English majors) - you'll find within these statements such phrases as "much of the region" and "relatively dry," the sorts of imprecise modifiers with which frustrated novelists are eminently comfortable.

I'm particularly fond of the imagery created by the phrase: "... as daytime heating works upon the rich moisture." This has a very sensual aspect to it, don't you think? The result might very well be "burgeoning cloud banks" exhibiting "pendant wisps of virga," perhaps culminating in a "gushing forth of fluids long held within."

Now, back to my romance novel.

Comments

Jeremy Dunck Staff

John, I didn't know you had it in you.

1 year ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

John Meyer Staff

Alas, the "special weather statement" has been pulled (it can't have actually "expired," because those things - as mentioned - are not quantifiable, even temporally). Thus the link I posted now takes one to the far more mundane-reading "short term forecast" and an accompanying "hazardous weather outlook," whose phraseology leaves much to be desired in the heaving-bosom department.

1 year ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )