by Alan Cohen

All credible publications have end of year awards. So do we.

PEGASUS NEWS WORLD HEADQUARTERS — All credible publications have end of year awards. We’ve only been publishing stories for two weeks now, but these awards will prove that it is time to start taking us seriously.

Here we go–

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for the Most Over The Top Band Biography goes to Johnny Lloyd Rollins. For any of those who may have missed it, here is a piece of Johnny’s bio as it appears his MySpace page:

In much the same fashion as Tobey Maguire personified innocent charm on the big screen with his breakout role in Pleasantville, Johnny Lloyd Rollins is stepping onto 21st century music stages with an aura that many of us have not seen since the days of black and white. Neo-folk stories are delivered with an organically fresh, raw energy, a balladeer’s voice and a technicolor red and white guitar.

We love Johnny here at TexasGigs. He is an extremely talented singer and songwriter. However, as a show of journalistic integrity, we reject the assertion that he is Tobey Maguire.

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for Best Christmas Present goes to Jessica Simpson. After a great deal of thought and deliberation, this Dallas native gave divorce papers to her beloved husband and co-star Nick Lachey. That was the best gift Jessica could have given all the single male dreamers of the world.

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for Best Kept Secret goes to Entertainment Collaborative. Who could have possibly guessed that Trees was on the verge of closing? Even if they don’t keep us in the loop, we love The E.C. They have been bringing top-notch regional and national acts to North Texas for years and years.

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for Most References to Cindy on a Site Other Than TexasGigs.com goes to dconstruction. You can read all about our guiding light at the dconstruction website.

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for Worst Natural Disaster goes to Katrina. What? Do all of these have to be sarcastic?

The TexasGigs 2005 Award for Most Awkward Podcast Moment goes to our very own Cindy Chaffin for her interview with Bob Schneider. Cindy tried to ask Bob a funny question, and Bob clearly did not get the joke. After her question, we had perhaps the longest, most painfully awkward silence in podcast history. Cindy edited out the silence to save face, but here for the first time is the unedited version of that epic interaction.

And finally–

The TexasGigs 2005 Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Devourment. When Mike first introduced me to this fun loving Death Metal bunch, I did not know what to expect. But when I started listening to their powerful lyrics, only one word came to my mind - POETRY!

Devourment is not just some mindless band spewing lyrics that rhyme without having any substantive meaning. Devourment has a raw and poignant message: Anyone, anywhere, can do absolutely anything when they are at the slab.

Cindy Chaffin contributed to this story. You can always find Alan on his blog. Got additions to this list? Post 'em in the comments below.