UNT hires Todd Dodge to lead Mean Green football

by Blair Lovern

You probably know by now, but. . .ah, Todd Dodge was named the 16th head football coach at UNT on Tuesday.

So what's Carroll HS going to do, now that their coach is leaving? Find someone who can win 10 state championships in a row? HAHAHAHAHA, suckers! Good luck! Plus, is the new Carroll coach gonna have as cool a name as Todd Dodge? Hi, I'm Todd Dodge - private eye. Hi, I'm Todd Dodge with Southlake Chrysler Dodge Kia Acura Lexus Mercury Cadillac, and I want to put you in a pre-owned Kia Rio for only $4699.

Doesn't matter where Todd Dodge is, he will always have the cool name. Anyway, I think this was a smart move for UNT. Look forward to seeing how mean the Green are going to get.

Weren't at the press conference, starring TODD DODGE!? Here's a photo of what it looked like, courtesy meangreensports.com. Pretend like you're the person singled out by the red arrow. I promise, this is as exciting as being at this or any other actual press conference.

Look at that guy on the bottom, far right corner in the tan long sleeved shirt. He's smiling like he knows a big secret. Look at him looking right at you. Kind of uncomfortable isn't it? Can you imagine if you were at the press conference and he was looking at you like this? This is why you don't attend press conferences unless you are forced to attend. And even then, you keep your eyes on your notebook at all times. Do not talk to anyone. Do not look at anyone. They are your enemy.

Have you seen this quote page at Thinkexist.com, full of Todd Dodge maxims?

This is embarrassing. Not for Todd Dodge (unless he put it there himself, which I am going to guess - ah - no, he did not.) But it's embarrassing that some web site thinks it's doing us, the reading public, a valued service by collecting a bunch of crap and letting you know about it.

Powerful stuff, huh? How about this one:

Yeah, me too. I am personally proud about whatever the hell it was that happened to that guy, whoever the hell he was.

Thinkexist.com says on its site: "Search Now! More than 300,000 quotations by over 20,000 Authors." Such a wrong, wrong, wrong way to do a website. I feel sorry for the people (person) who put it together and think(exist) they are helping me in any way. Well, actually they are because they allowed me to write a more entertaining and informative story about TODD DODGE! than you're going to read anywhere else.