Movie review: Eragon

by John P. Meyer

Eragon

A boy named Eragon finds a polished blue stone in the forest. At first, he thinks it's a lucky discovery, something that will bring meat to his poor family for the winter. Instead, it brings a dragon hatchling, and Eragon is soon thrust into a world of magic and power through which he and the dragon must navigate.

Source: Cinema Source

Showtimes and more on Eragon

If your mind possessed a bad film security perimeter, alarm bells might go off in your head during the initial world-establishing exposition of Eragon when the narrator (Jeremy Irons, who I hope got paid a lot for doing this) describes the job of the fabled Dragonriders as being "to protect and serve." Say, doesn't another more contemporary civic-minded organization use that one?

Only minutes later (RRIIIING! RRIIIING!), we learn from John Malkovich, who plays evil King Galbatorix (and who I also hope got paid a lot for doing this) that, unlike most men with tube blockages, he suffers without his stone. What a masochist!

I'm not saying there aren't some among the Renaissance reenactor and D&D crowds who will enjoy this movie, but beyond that population I think the major appreciators of the film will be sub-eight year olds and those investors who plan on using the film's box office as a tax write off.

Oh, and it should also appeal to teenage girls who don't mind sitting through a snooze-inducing, formulaic sci fi/fantasy storyline in order to feast their eyes on the hunky English star of the piece, Edward Speleers. Speleers, along with late-arriving co-star Garrett Hedlund, appears variously shirtless and in exotic leather gear, thereby serving up the fresh young boy meat that young ladies of a certain age will no doubt salivate over.

Speaking of drool, that's another word for drivel, which handily describes the script. There's nothing at all here, either in the action or the dialogue, that anyone familiar with the fantasy genre could find surprising or fresh. I'm going to summarize the sequence of events for you so you won't have to actually waste time and fossil dragon fuel going to see it, and the short-sell investors can get on with reaping their expected rewards before the tax year ends. Stop reading now if you're worried I might be wrong.

Rachel Weisz strikes a pose

1) Despotic king wields power after wiping out the dragons who formerly assisted their riders by (sigh) Protecting and Serving the populace; 2) Beautiful princess snatches the sole remaining dragon egg out from under the king's nose (or somewhere) and transports it magically to: 3) a meadow, where hunky young Eragon finds it and tries to trade it in the village for a side of beef; no sale. 4) The egg hatches to reveal a baby dragon, which sounds a lot like Rachel Weisz when it speaks (because it actually IS Rachel Weisz); 5) a guy named Brom (Jeremy Irons) gets wind of the newly-minted dragon which will free mankind from the yoke of despotic repression and teams up with the charmingly overconfident (yet hunky) young Eragon to see that he doesn't fly off on his new dragon and get himself killed prematurely.

There's actually more, but I'm going to bet you can take it from here.

The only thing going for the film (if you're over eight and not a teenage girl) is the surprisingly well done dragonimation; there is no suspension of disbelief required in order to see the dragon as a living, fire-breathing character in the movie, which is a testament to the skill of the special effects wizards at the no less than 11 companies listed in the credits for that category.

RAW DEAL FOR DRAGONS: When a 'Rider dies, his dragon dies, too. But not vice-versa.

FROM THE "NOW YOU TELL ME" HALL OF FAME: "You can only kill a shade if you pierce him through the heart." - Brom to Eragon, after the latter has risked everything to rescue the princess and ended up shooting an arrow through the evil shade's forehead. D'OH!

PINING FOR THE '50's: "There was a time when our land flourished without cruelty and fear."

Posted by John