Lazer and Alligator Dave Bring Procreational Values to Deep Ellum

by Todd Maternowski

Deep Ellum on Friday nights is known far and wide for it's family-oriented wholesome brand of Branson-esque entertainment that makes even the Barney Live! show look like dollar-draft day at a Tangiers opium den. So when two artists of this caliber make an appearance, it's big news for the local scene. This past Friday night at Club Clearview Lazer and Alligator Dave gave a performance for the ages.

After two short opening sets by local Dallas alternative bands Mach Star and Oliphant, Alligator Dave made his appearance, sans his trademark nappy dreadlocks, and launched into his singularly filthy brand of pornographic zydeco/ska/rap that has to be seen to believed. Alligator Dave is an accomplished musician, playing his guitar at dizzying speeds, accompanied by a fiddler, and every song had a catchy and enjoyable rhythm. Even more pleasing to the ears -- if not the bible-thumping morals -- were Alligator Dave's lyrics, which seamlessly blended the harmonic flow of hip-hop with some of the most lewd and licentious lyrics ever put to fiddle. Throughout the set this bawdy bard brought the crowd to its knees in laughter, with songs detailing some of the most important aspects of human biology and, specifically, his personal ability and willingness to participate in the biological process with females of the species. While his lyrics are not exactly printable here, few artists are more creative with the recreational use of procreation than Alligator Dave, and his shows will leave even the most prim and proper concertgoers smiling for weeks.

The headlining act for the night was the Rhineland-based dance supergroup Lazer. In an era when so many rock and pop groups use their musical fame to further their stand-up comedy careers (i.e. Bowling for Soup), it's refreshing to see a band treat sexy dancing with the gravity and serious professionalism it deserves. Lazer's weighty street cred can be traced back to their humble beginnings in the steel factories of the Rhineland, where dancer/sexy/singer triple threats Hammel and Briso forged the group after solo projects, such as Hammel's Christian goth band Unicorn Holocaust, proved unsuccessful. Since then, after international renown, album sales in the millions and concert dates at Stonehenge and Mir Space Station, Lazer has brought their exclusive brand of German techno and orgy-inspiring lyrics to the greater DFW area.

The set was brilliant and well-received from the opener to the encore, with Lazer rocking the crowd into detached ectasy with their gold standards "Lazer Crow", "Dance for Racism" and the crowd-pleasing "M-F-F-L", which just nearly missed becoming the Dallas Mavericks' official playoff theme song. Although the set was criminally short, the international buzz that preceeds this group is well-justified, as the huge crowd in Club Clearview was rocked into dangerous submission. The one drawback to the show was that the quality and polished skill of the sexy dancing on the stage was so overwhelming, that the audience were understandably too intimidated to dance: since Lazer's avian bodyguard Lazer Crow routinely executes any concertgoer not dancing, this can only result in more and more Lazer fans being added to Lazer Crow's Pyramid of Skulls.

Although attendance is not yet legally-mandated, Lazer's shows are a must-see for any DFW concertgoer.