Dress Code 101

by By Indiekitten

You’ve seen them before; they’re unmistakable. You spot one going down the street and wonder what hip destination he’s wandering off to today. You crave that effortless cool – for yourself, or maybe for your boyfriend. Impossible, you sigh, one can only be born that rock n’ roll. You know who I’m talking about: the indie rocker.

Well, girls, think again. Due to my extensive field research and in-depth observation (obviously obtained at great personal sacrifice,) I’ve come up with a formula that is guaranteed to have people wondering how you got so damn hip.

1.) First things first: the hair. If you are a guy, it’s got to be long – somewhere between the bottom of your ear-lobe and your chin. Don’t let it get too long or you risk being mistaken for a hard rocker. The best indie rocker girls have either long hair past their shoulders (side-swept bangs a must) or some sort of faux-hawk long hair combination. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just walk into any Toni & Guy and check out the stylists.

Whether guy or girl, your hair should be brown, preferably dark. Do not have any streaks or unusual colors, lest you be classified an emo rocker. Hair products of choice: Bumble and bumble or Big Sexy anything. Wake up about an hour before you have to leave to be sure you have plenty of time to tousle your head – the goal here is to look like you’ve just rolled out of bed (which in fact you will maintain, if asked.)

Under no circumstances will you ever admit that you’ve paid $100 for your mussed ‘do. Insist that you have cut your hair yourself since you were fifteen, and that you do it over the sink with your kitchen scissors. Try to work in that you just “don’t have the time” for hair products. Guiltily stash the evidence in a basket under the sink before anyone comes over – but do leave out that retro-looking toothpaste you got from Bath and Body works when you picked up your requisite body butter. Tell them you don’t remember where you got it, “some little market somewhere, probably.”

2.) Now for the clothes: every self-respecting indie rocker has got a great “vintage” tee collection. Unfortunately, you threw away that little-league tee after you lost the cup, and you never were lucky enough to find anything cool in the attic. Develop a knowledge of online tee stores, in fact you should bookmark them. Peruse threadless.com every month for their newest designs. Cut the labels out and look bored when people ask you where you got them, saying “geez, I got this in fifth grade.” Ignore the fact that two other people in the room are wearing the same one.

Go to Diesel and buy four pairs of perfectly ripped jeans. The ones at Abercrombie are better, but you can’t have anyone thinking you’re “common,” now can you? If you are a girl, also get a denim mini. You will wear this with your “vintage” Frye cowboy boots.

Guys must have a blazer, like your tees, this must look vintage. Girls? Keep your eye out for a great leather jacket – the look you’re going for is, let’s say it together, vintage. I actually saw a great one at the Gap a few years ago, so keep your eyes peeled there, but if anyone asks, your mom got it in college.

Shoes: when in doubt, always wear black converse sneakers. You have also “had these forever,” so make sure you throw them in some mud before you ever put them on. Another great technique is tying them to your bumper and driving around a dusty road. Do what it takes: don’t let them catch you with clean shoes!

3.) Now that you’ve got your look down, take it out for a spin. Where to? One of your local music venues, of course. You have some choice here: you can either go to see a local band, or a semi-obscure national (as in: your mom won’t know the name of the band if you mention it) but be sure the venue is small! Indie rockers do NOT go to stadium shows unless they are onstage! Big shows are much too “corporate” for you! Also to be careful of: local bands that suck. I’m not talking about how good their music is, I’m talking about who they’re friends with. Look around. Do these kids look as cool as you do? Did you catch one with a shirt you saw at Target last week? Roll your eyes and get out of there!

A good way to prevent this is to find a local blog that tells you about the hippest shows in town. Some good examples are weshotjr.com (for Dallas) and pitchforkmedia.com (and, of course, this place.) The goal is to find a blog that insists their writings are the holy grail of originality, but they still drool over the same twenty bands that everyone else does.

4.) Are you at the show? Good. Whatever you do, don’t listen too intently to the music. Keep your facial expressions to a minimum. Have an import beer in your hand, Heineken or Amstel will do. Don’t do shots, those are for those long-haired hard rockers I warned you about earlier. If anyone asks you what you think about the music, tell them you hear the influences of early Hendrix and possibly some Jefferson Airplane. No one will know what you’re talking about, but they will nod their heads earnestly and try to keep up. If the conversation continues, mention your huge record collection, started by your parents but cultivated by you with every last dollar of your highschool allowance. Make a mental note to go to the record store next weekend and buy a bunch of old vinyl.

This should be enough to get you started. Think you’ve got it down? If you are confused, or if anything should go wrong, just toss this list and go straight down to Urban Outfitters. Buy everything they have. Voila!

This story first appeared on stylethread.com.

Indiekitten - aka Elizabeth Eshelman - is a freelance writer based in Dallas, and she also manages and books local bands.

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