Movie Review: Grindhouse

A tag team review of a double-feature flick

by Chad Jones , Shawn Parikh

Honestly, I would have gone out of my mind if I hadn't known beforehand that this movie was 3.5 hours long. So, before you go, you should prepare yourself by eating a large meal, doing some light calisthenics, and by not drinking any beverages.

Because, if you are like me, you've been waiting anxiously for this double-feature of desecration, and you don’t want to miss one minute of its exaggerated B-gradedness.

Before the feature presentation begins, an awesome fake preview of a cheesy, could-be 80s movie, Machete, with an over-campy plot and characters (and Cheech Marin!) creates the perfect vibe that leads into the actual movie.

Then begins Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, which is probably the film that you know about from the trailers because, come on, a gun for a leg is just freakin’ genius.

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Planet Terror - By Shawn Parikh

Planet Terror is ultimately about a group of bad guys infecting the population with a virus that causes their skin to boil and kill other people, while the good guys are trying to stay clean.

This sounds like any zombie movie, a la 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead. But it is, of course, the effects and the delivery of great one-liners that put this movie in its own league.

The sloshy, stringy blood guts and yellow, breathing skin were the visual appeal of this movie, besides the obvious appeal of a gun for a leg.

And a special moment occurs when the effects for Quentin Tarantino’s character's genitals caused the whole audience to let out a collective groan of disgust. Gotta love those.

The actors looked like they were having fun blending these over-thought characters with real emotions.

Rose McGowan as the go-go dancer wanting to become a stand-up comedian was the focal character of the movie, and she delivered, especially when she gets her shooting limb (sorry, I can’t get over it).

Freddy Rodriguez, who plays the hero of the film, doesn’t look like your typical hero, but he becomes a really likable character.

Marley Shelton, as the doctor wanting to leave her husband for a woman (played by the blah Fergie) did the best job in pairing the cheesy dialogue with committed emotions. And Bruce Willis and Naveen Andrews get their standout moments right at the beginning.

I would definitely say to watch Plant Terror in the theater because it is just darn fun to watch in a big group with everyone laughing, guffawing, and cringing at the same parts. Rodriguez incorporated all the goriness you crave to see with an entertaining action plot-line.

Shawn’s Planet Terror rating:

• Go see now in the theater
• Wait for the dollar theater
• Rent on DVD, or
• Ban people from watching it

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Death Proof - by Chad Jones

Having caught last night’s 8:00 p.m. showing of Grindhouse at the Landmark Magnolia, I feel it’s my duty to first and foremost make fun of everyone (about twenty people) who picked up their wine glasses and went home after Planet Terror ended. Where did you people come from, and how/why did you come to see Grindhouse without knowing that it is a double-feature? If you didn’t like it, that’s one thing. But I’m guessing you are simply clinically retarded.

That being said, Death Proof is Quentin Tarantino’s throwback to the high-speed, high-tension '70s flicks such as Vanishing Point (a film Tarantino’s characters directly reference a dozen times) and Spielberg’s Duel. Certainly, I’m leaving out a few others, but you will have to attribute that to my age.

Shot on the outskirts of Austin, Texas, Death Proof tells the story of Stuntman Mike (played by a deliciously-disgusting Kurt Russell), a former B-list muscle-car driver who "shoots his goo" by stalking, abusing and completely destroying young women with his "death proof" car.

Essentially, the film is a play with two acts. In the first, Rose McGowan (with a bleach-blonde 'do and two full legs) stars as Mike's initial victim, and simply put: she hasn't died this well since she was crushed by a garage door in Wes Craven's Scream 2.

In the second, Stuntman Mike makes a failed attempt to kill a group of girls (including Rosario Dawson’s character) and is thereafter shot, chased, terrorized and beaten brutally in the face in classic, simple Tarantino. Trust me, you will enjoy yourself.

But probably the most entertaining part of Grindhouse overall is the series of fake previews that play in-between Planet Terror and Death Proof. Assuming you don't get up and leave, you will be treated to a glimpse of the up-coming feature films Werewolf Women of the SS, a horror flick entitled Don’t and my personal favorite, Thanksgiving, wherein an ax-wielding pilgrim will decapitate your boyfriend and have sex with your mother in the dining room.