Thursday, December 6, 2007

Law Reviewers present 2007 Golden Gavel Awards

By The Law Reviewers of The Law Reviewers

Just like mistletoe, menorahs, and the Airing of Grievances, the Golden Gavel Awards are an annual holiday tradition! This year’s awards have been bleached, re-constituted with corn syrup, and topped with Mrs. Butterworth’s. That’s right, it’s an all-carb-themed 2007 Golden Gavel Awards. All this typing has made us tired, where did all that energy go? ZZZZZ… Wha?! On with the show! Dr. Atkins, this one’s for you! He’s what? Heart attack, eh? Oh. Condolences. Dr. Southbeach, this one’s for you! And the proud winners, losers and also-rans of the 2007 Gavelies are [drum roll, please]:

Best Pizza: Olivella’s. Their combination of fresh ingredients (including buffalo mozzarella), nicely crisp crusts, and tasty tomato sauce makes them the best overall. Best Pizza Ingredients: Fireside Pies. Just like the Teamsters, it’s all local, baby. Best Crust: Coal Vines. Too bad its coal-fired crusts come with an annoying three hour wait. Best website: Greenville Avenue Pizza Co. Boldface type proclaims “Website Coming Soon!” while Tom Petty’s “The Waiting is the Hardest Part” blares out of your computer’s speakers. [Slow clap].

Best Noodles (Italian): Tagliatelle at Penne Pomodoro. Try it with a simple pomodoro sauce. Delicioso! Worst: Campisi’s (any location). On the bright side, their noodles are excellent when utilized in the dreaded "wet noodle" torture.

Best Noodles (Asian): Pad Thai at Royal Thai. Not too greasy and just the right amount of tamarind. Worst: Howard Wang’s Chinese Grill. Stick to the non-noodle dishes such as the Jalapeño Stir Fry.

Best Pasta (non-noodle): Gulurgiones de Casu Canne al Vento at Arcodoro Pomodoro. Roughly translated as “little golden bags that will give you heart failure,” these homemade half-moon shaped pasta filled with cheese are decadently delicious!

Best Mac & Cheese: Social. Mmmm, melted brie. Grrrrr, long wait for a table while crowded in with cast-offs from Primo’s. Honorable Mention: Hibiscus. Just about the only thing there that’s actually worth what you pay for it.

Best Rice/Pasta Combo: Vermicilli rice at Ali Baba Café. It has a higher street value than crack. It’s that addictive. Honorable Mention: Lobster risotto at Al Biernat’s. Arborio rice is neither a rice nor a pasta – discuss!

Best Sandwich (tie): Prosciutto Panini at Jimmy’s Italian Food Store. Definitely a sandwich you can’t refuse (with apologies to the late, great Café Nostra). AND: Cajun Crawfish Cake Sandwich at Cliff Café. There will be neux bad Cajun jouxes in this sentence.

Best Cake: Quatro Leches cake at La Duni. Adds credence to our argument that everything should be soaked in milk. Including milk. Honorable Mention: Tres Leches cake at Gloria’s. It’s only one less of something than the cake at La Duni, but we just can’t figure out what.

Best Pie: Pecan Pie at Mama’s Daughter’s Diner. Law Reviewers’ love’ it!

Best Potato (mashed): Smashed potatoes at Bob’s Steak & Chop House. The skillet potatoes are good too, but we like our spuds roughed up to get the message across.

Best Potato (fried): See our 2005 Golden Gavel Awards. Honorable mention (and new in 2007): House cut fries at Cliff Café.

Best Potatoe (spelling): See Dan Quayle.

Best Pancakes: Cloud cakes at Dream Café. We'll say it: They're dreamy (and quite fluffy). Honorable Mention: The short stack at John's Café. Just plain, old fashioned good. Anyone know of a breakfast place that serves real maple syrup? Please let us know!

Best Bread (crusty): Breadwinner’s. I mean, c’mon, it’s in their name, people! Honorable Mention: Empire Bakery (skip the $6 dips in the cooler - $6 for flavored cream cheese? Please. We may waste gasoline here in The D, but we know when an appetizer dip is overpriced).

Best Bread (not crusty – tie): Rolls at Bubba's. Big, fluffy mushroom clouds of goodness. AND: Naan at Chaat Café. Great for mopping up masala or picking up your paneer. Honorable Mention: Café Istanbul. You could easily make a meal of the complimentary bread and a couple of orders of hummus and baba ganoush. Order water too, the waiter will love you.

Best Bread (tortilla): Alo Cenaduria y Piqueos. Handmade is the only way to go.

Best Attorneys (crusty): Us (we get crankier every year).

Thanks for another great year, Loyal Readers. Some people ask us, “Why do you do it?” And we say, “It wasn’t us.” And they say, “But your fingerprints are all over the crime scene.” And that’s when we put the Reviewermobile into gear and say, “Keep eating Dallas! Just remember – you’re not Houston… Yet!” and drive off into the setting sun.

Pegasus News content partner - The Law Reviewers

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Comments

Donna Chen Verified

Excellent Friday entertainment, indeed! It's hard to believe you guys are lawyers, and I mean that as a compliment :)

I propose an immediate Festivus celebration complete with debate over this arborio rice issue (maybe we can work cous cous into the discussion as well?) Losers of the debate will be treated to a dinner and movie with Campisi' pasta and the "Jim Adler-Texas Hammer" commercials on repeat. Oh, the cruelty! I think even W. would be against that one.

1 year, 11 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

The Law Reviewers Verified

FatCap: Thanks, FatCap. Did you mean "mob OF lawyers?" Although we'd never take sides against The Family.

Donna: Excellent idea! TG can judge. Here's our opening argument: [assuming Seinfeldian voice] S o, what is the deal with risotto? I mean it's a rice, but it's served like it's a pasta. Somebody tell me, cause I wanna know?

1 year, 11 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )