by Shawn Parikh

The most you could get from this movie was a slightly forced chuckle followed by an embarrassing silence for having laughed.

I had to go see what all this anti-hype was about, especially since the animosity surrounding Richardson-raised Jessica Simpson has reached an all-time high. Although Simpson firmly puts her foot down that Blonde Ambition is not a remake of Working Girl, the story revolves around a small-town country gal who moves to New York City and gets entangled in the business world.

The movie opens with Katie saying goodbye to her highschool sweetheart who is leaving to become a model in New York. She follows him out there and finds out he is cheating on her. Her actress cousin, Haley, tells her to stay and experience life in the Big Apple. While she is filling in for Haley’s bike messenger job, she meets the VP of a huge firm that decides to use Katie’s naivete to her advantage. The VP thinks by getting Katie a job, she will be able to take over the company easily. Blonde moments ensue over and over and over again. In the midst of all of this, she of course has a love interest, Ben.

Every aspect of this movie is at the most mediocre, from the acting, plot, characters, and comedy. When writing this movie, did they really think 4 Norwegian clergymen singing “Baby Got Back” with an accent and drinking beer was a laugh riot? How about Jessica Simpson attempting to do physical comedy while taking her bike through a spinning door? No matter how hard they tried, the most you could get from this movie was a slightly forced chuckle followed by an embarrassing silence.

Jessica Simpson really just goes through the role without any character whatsoever. She pretty much is just playing herself as she did on television, as the ditzy blonde, so there wasn’t much of a stretch for her. Although this used to be part of her charm, it is too overplayed to be likable anymore.

I don’t know how Luke Wilson got roped into this role, but he does the best he can with a cliché script and two-dimensional character. Andy Dick unfortunately appears as the over-the-top assistant while Willie Nelson plays the most boring grandpa ever written. The only standout was Penelope Ann Miller playing the scheming villainous Vice President of the company. She actually tries to liven up the script with her vicious portrayal and does a skillful job.

The worst part of the movie was how the audience could see how they funded this almost-straight-to-DVD movie. Aquafresh and Rockstar energy drink must be acknowledged as separate characters for how much product placement was offered. To start off, Rockstar was always the drink of choice and who could ask for more subtle writing than, “Kids, do you want some Rockstar energy in your milkshakes?”

Even worse was how Jessica Simpson was sent to New York with a pair of Aquafresh toothbrushes “in case she gets nervous.” Never being explained before or after that, she ends up carrying the toothbrush wherever she goes and brushing her teeth (without toothpaste) in the most random scenes. Her teeth are always being commented on and the first thing in her purse is a tube of Aquafresh. When her toothbrush is broken, she goes nuts.

Just to clarify, the movie opened at the dollar movie theater, so instead of paying the average $8, I only coughed up 50 cents to see the horror that is Blonde Ambition. The movie is already set to release on DVD on January 22. With the horrendous box office, Jessica Simpson’s next winning movie, Major Movie Star, about a down-on-her-luck actress who enlists in the United States Army, is already deemed to go direct-to-DVD. So which Simpson sister has it worse?

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