It’s Valentine’s Day — time to blow some cash

by Teresa Gubbins

Cupid. Rhymes with stupid.

If you rank a holiday by how much cash is dropped (and is there any other way?), then Valentine's Day scores big, very big.

Yeah yeah, it's the time for romance, love, and etcetera. But love don't come cheap. According to the National Retail Federation, consumers will blow $16.9 billion on Valentine's Day junque. Males 18-24 get especially soaked, spending $143.39 each on heart-shaped cubic zirconia pendants and Whitman's samplers. The ladies face a predicted outlay of $85.08 on gaudy red boxers, embarrassing leatherette man-purses, and ugly figurines emblazoned with the slogan "All My Love."

But we got our own statistics here: a massive list, more than 100 Valentine's Day events, from wine tastings to cooking classes to tea for the kids to jazz sung by a chorus. You are absolutely sure to feel your heart strings tug when presented with a list of spending options this deep.

Oh yeah, sexy.

As Valentine's Day falls on a Wednesday, that means two book-end weekends to stretch what should be a single day of masochism into a week-long Valentine-fest. Couples can spend day after day trying desperately to convince each other that this really is twue love.

Friday:

Death By Chocolate aspires to be witty with characters named Lady Ghirardelli Godiva from Paris, Princess Isabella Itsenough Toblerone from Italy, Connie Cadbury Alimony from London, and Debbie Jo Hickox from Arkansas. That's no typo: These are characters named after chocolate bars! How droll. At Cliburn Hall in Fort Worth.

Saturday:

Valentine's Cooking Class at Aurora, the high-end foodie temple on Oak Lawn, spotlights chocolate and caviar -- not together, of course.

Art, Chocolate, and Champagne, an annual Valentine's Day show at the Art on the Blvd Gallery, features the works of 23 artists, where you can mingle and, oh yes, buy gifts.

Sunday:

The Dating Game is the Repertory Company Theatre's musical version of the old TV game show. Points to those who can name the host. (psst: Jim Lange.)

Valentine's Day Party at CrossRoads Winery is the second annual event at the Frisco winery. You'll get a glass of wine and light hors d'oeuvres, and you'll like it. Be sure to wear a jacket; they keep it kinda cold (for the wine).

Monday:

Six Days of Lovin' at Metro Grill, a three-course dinner, runs Feb. 9-14, $25 a pop or $40 with wine. A relative bargain as Valentine's dinners go.

Tuesday:

Romancing the Stars at the Planetarium at UT Arlington is described as an "adult couples show" about the constellations of love. A little Venus envy.

Oh Hercules, my Hercules.

Murderous Plants: Love Potions and Poisons is for downtowners with $10 in their pocket, at Texas Discovery Gardens in Fair Park, which touts itself as the "first certified organic public garden in the state." Because, when I think "romance," I think "organic vegetables." There'll be live music, organic wines, cheese, and choco-covered strawberries.

Wednesday:

The BIG DAY, and there are countless dinners to prove it, priced from $25 to $125. Highlights: Fuse downtown is doing a four-course meal for $75 with big-eye tuna, oysters, and chocolate mousse; La Duni can coast on its killer desserts; and Maggiano's Little Italy, where The Chairman rules, has dancing along with the dinner and champagne.

To let your hair down, head to The Lovebirds at Adair's Saloon, or to the Darkside Lounge for the F-V Day Party with the Valentine Failures and the Mansfields.

And for seniors whose hearts haven't yet conked out, there's the 5th Annual Valentine’s Day Social for Area Senior Citizens, an old-fashioned sweethearts dance. Pacemakers welcome!

Thursday:

Adventures in Love, running Feb. 8-17, has become an annual Val-Day event at Flower Mound Performing Arts Theater, with skits on love, dating, marriage, and divorce. Not necessarily in that order.

Friday:

You know what? You need to stay home for a night. Enough already with the Valentine's obsession.

Saturday:

Valentine's Wine Tasting at La Cave Warehouse, at the Market Center building; reservations are required. Like any good holiday, Valentine's should end in one way only: with a hangover.