A few Dallas schools teach reading, writing and hustling

by Blair Lovern

Schools in five Dallas area ISDs continue to be at the forefront of American education by learning through billiards. Yeah, that's right. The next punk who hustles you at the table might be earning an 'A' for making you look like an idiot.

Wylie HS, South Garland HS, Garland HS, Sachse HS, Naaman Forest HS, Rowlett HS, Rockwall HS, Utley Freshmen Center, Plano Senior HS and Berkner HS are full of hust- er, billiard enthusiasts. They are part of the B.E.T.T.E.R. (Billiard Excellence Through Training, Education and Recreation) high school billiard program, which planted its roots in Dallas in 1998. Next year the group wants to expand to more schools.

According to B.E.T.T.E.R.: "The program is also an excellent way to expose and gain interest in classroom subjects such as physics and geometry. The program involves critical thinking, problem solving and physical exercise." (They forgot to mention the math skills you'll use when you count the money you take as a certified flimflammer. Ah, I kid the pool people. I just stink at pool and am jealous. But I am not embarrassed to admit it and think I can grow as a person from understanding this.)

These kids ought to be good, just look at how many official matches they play.

A poll on the B.E.T.T.E.R. site states that the Berkner Rams have the best school pool team in town. The Plano Wildcats are the worst. In fact, they're so bad no one voted for them. I feel sorry for them. But I'm sure anyone on that team can beat the crap out of me, so I don't feel too sorry for them. One reason Berkner might be good is because they were one of the first schools in America to have billiard tables installed on site for practice and for matches.

Each year, B.E.T.T.E.R. also helps high school seniors who are eligible to apply for billiard education college scholarships. HOLY @#$%!, DID YOU SAY COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIPS FROM PLAYING POOL!?!?!?!

Geez, why is he yelling?

This just blows me away you can go to college like this.

An aside, take a look at the photo of Eric Munson up there. He's holding The Intimidator. What the hell is that?

The Intimidator is the most expensive pool cue in the world that you can use to kill your opponent if you're suffering through an off-day. According to its maker (McDermott Cue Manufacturing Inc.), it weighs 9 ½ pounds, has four sharp and pointy winged blades, took 1,862 hours to construct and costs $150,000.

Do not mess with the DFW pool teams. If they don't crush you at the tables, they will whip out The Intimidator. And when it gets to that point, all bets are off.

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