How to cover a winter storm

by Shawn Williams of Dallas South

I got hold of a memo from one of the local news stations titled How to Cover a Winter Storm. I was kind of baffled by the media coverage the weather got over the last few days, but this explains a lot. Take a look.

• Move away from the term "Arctic Blast." Begin to instead use "Icy Blast", "Winter Blast" or any other term for cold followed by the word "Blast."
• Say the words Wintry Mix as often as possible.
• If you are fortunate enough to catch a car accident on tape, run it over and over and over again. No one will realize it's the same footage.
• On the condition that the producers have overblown the severity of the Winter Blast, blame the meteorologist.
• Head for the High Five Interchange as soon as the temperature reaches 33 degrees and at the first sight of precipitation thereafter.
• Remind motorists to "take it easy" on the roads at the beginning and end of every live shot. They would never think to take precaution during bad weather.
• Whip the public into a panic as to cause closings. Remember, once the school closings start to roll, that's when the big ratings come in.
• Report on anything with ice which includes but is not limited to: bridges, overpasses, streets, trees, buildings, cars, hockey rinks, ice machines, ice cream trucks, Vanilla Ice and Iced Out Grillz.
• If you run out of local weather footage, show scenes from areas that really got hit like Oklahoma or West Texas.
• Remember: anything below 40 degrees is news in Dallas.

Now it all makes sense.