Saturday, January 27, 2007
Movie Review: Smokin’ Aces
Aaaahaahaaa!
Andy Garcia: Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blahity-blah. Blah-blah-blah *#%@! Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel. *#%@! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. *#%@! bBaaaaaaahaaaah. Blah. *#%@! Blah. Blah-blah. Blah-blah.
. . . (plot builds up with occasional flash-backs. *#%@!)
Blat!! Blat!! Bang!! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!!!Ka-Bang! Bang! *#%@! Bang-bang!Ka-Bang! Bang! *#%@! Bang bang!AaaahAaaahAaaah1!¡¡¡¡⁄! Aaaah!*#%@!. Cht-cht-cht-cht. *#%@!*#%@! *#%@! *#%@!
Ben Afleck: Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-aaaah. Blah. Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel. Blah-blah-blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.
. . . (plot builds up, slows down. more flash backs.)
Fphtisk! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Cht-cht-cht-cht. Chk-chk—Oouhhh!!! Kabloom! !Kabloom! FphtiskOoomph
. . .
Blat!! Blat!! Chk-chkBang!! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!!!Ka-Bang! Bang! *#%@! Bang-bang!Ka-Bang! Chk-chk.
. . .
Fphtisk!
. . .
Smokin' Aces
In these interlocking tales of high stakes and low lifes, Mob boss Primo Sparazza has taken out a hefty contract on Buddy "Aces" Israel--a sleazy magician who has agreed to turn state's evidence against the Vegas mob. The FBI, sensing a chance to use this small-time con to bring down big-target Sparazza, places Aces into protective custody-under the supervision of two agents dispatched to Aces' Lake Tahoe hideout. When word of the price on Aces' head spreads into the community of ex-cons and cons-to-be, it entices bounty hunters, thugs-for-hire, smokin' hot vixens and double-crossing mobsters to join in the hunt. With all eyes on Tahoe, this rogues' gallery collides in a comic race to hit the jackpot and rub out Aces.
Source: Cinema Source
*#%@! Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. BLAAAAH.
. . .
Kablooo-ooom!!!!!!! Chk-chk Kabloooooom!!!!!! Chk-chk. Kablooooo*#%@!o m!! *#%@!AAAAH!!! Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@!cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht -cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-chtKabloo. Chk-chkoooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht!
Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht*#%@!
Ka-bang Ka-bangKa-bangKa-bangKa-bangKa-bang!! OoomphOoomph!!
Ooomph! Ooomph! Oouhhh Oouhhh!! OouhhhOouhhh !*#%@!*#%@!*#%@! cht-AAAAH!!!!! cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-Chk-chkht!!
Kabloooooom Cht-chto *#%@!om!! *#%@! AAAAH!!!
Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. AAAAH!!!Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@!cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-chtKabloo!! Chk-chkoooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht!!
Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht*#%@! Ka-o*# %@!om!! *#%@! AAAAH!!! Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@ !cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom Cht-cht-cht-cht. AAAAH!!!Kablooom!! Chk-ch koooom Cht!!!! Fphtisk
mCht-cht-cht-cht *#%@! Ka-o*#%@!om!! *#%@! AAAAH!!! Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@!cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloomm!!
Chk-chkoooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht *#%@! Ka-o*#%@!om!! *#%@! AAAAH!!!
Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom! Cht-cht-cht-chtKabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@!cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloo Chk-ch. koooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht*#%@! Ka--cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
. . . Alicia Keys in fishnet stockings . . .
Cht-cht-cht-chtcht-cht. Kabloooooomo!! *#%@!om!! *#%@!AAAAH!!! Oouuuhh!! Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-*#%@!cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!!
Cht-cht-cht-chtKabloom!!
Chk-chkoooomCht- Fphtisk
cht-cht-chtKabloooooomCht-cht-cht-cht*#%@! Fphtisk
-o*#%@!om!! *#%@!AAAAH!!! Oouuuhh!! KabloooooomCht-cht-cht-chtKabloooooomCht-cht-*#%@!cht-chtKabloooooomCht-cht-cht-chtKabl oooooomCht-cht-cht-ch Fphtisk
tKablooChk-chkoooomCht-cht-cht-cht. KabloooooomCht-cht-cht-cht*#%@! Ka-Cht-cht-cht-chtKablooooooChk-chkmCht-cht-cht-cht. KabloooooChk-chkom.
Cht-cht-cht-Ooomph chtKabloooooomCht-cht-cht-chtcht-chtKab Fphtiskloooo!!
Chk-chkoomCht-cht-cht-cht.
KabloooooomCht-cht-cht-cht. Ooomph KabloooChk-chkooom!! Cht-cht -cht-cht.
Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-chtcht-cht. Kabloooooom!!! Cht-cht-c ht-cht. Kabloooooom!!!
Cht-cht-cht-cht. Kabloooooom!! Cht-cht-cht-cht! Kabloooooom!!! Cht-cht-cht-AAAAAH!!! AAAH!!!! cht.Chkchk Ooomph
Ooomph Ooomph Ooomph OOOOOH GOD SWEET GOD!!!!!
Andy Garcia: Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blahBlah-blah-blah.
Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah.
Blah-blahBlah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah Blah-blah-blah-blah.
Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah. *#%@! *#%@! *#%@!
Fade-out.
Score: 8/10
