Storms knock out phone lines at Cockrell Hill Elementary, pandemonium ensues

by Chad Jones

A hungry child feasts on the flesh of his former classmate.

Due to the severe storms last night, the phones at Cockrell Hill Elementary School are currently not working.

The district has been aware of the problem since this morning, and they have been working diligently to repair them.

However, what the district is not telling you is that the storms also knocked out the school's internet connection, resulting in a complete absence of "library time" for the restless students, while the school's food service companies are unable to confirm the cafeteria's order for lunch today. Thus, say authorities, the bored and starving children have resorted to cannibalism and ritual sacrifice.

"If there is an immediate need to call," DeSoto ISD says "please call the DeSoto ISD Instructional Support Center at 972-223-6666." OH MY GOD THE MARK OF THE BEAST IS UPON US.