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Thursday, May 10, 2007 , Updated 10:38 a.m., May 11, 2007
UPDATED: Restaurateur Tristan Simon hypnotizes Dallas media by giving them free morsels of food
Did he hand-feed these people grapes or what?
DALLAS — Restaurateur Tristan Simon is opening a new restaurant. It's called The Porch. Simon and his chef-partner Nick Badovinus* are one of the most popular restaurant teams in the city, and have a warm, cordial relationship with the press. They excel at buzz; when they opened Hibiscus, it was met with the kind of over-the-top adoration that begins to make you -- OK, me -- uncomfortable, especially when more than one reviewer compared the restaurant to having sex. (People, it's just macaroni and cheese.)
Your meat is so tender, your cocktails so addictive!
Well, Porch is already off to a start that's going to make the reaction to Hibiscus seem tame. Porch held a media/private party that prompted three local-media blogs to pile on with near-identical kiss-kisses that should provoke only one response: BACKLASH.
Exhibit A 10:40 p.m. Tuesday: Overheard, the blog by the staff of Park Cities People, gets points for being first; their entry was posted the night of the event. It's also not too effusive -- just a straight-ahead account with some good descriptions of the drinks.
Exhibit B 10:37 a.m. Wednesday: An excruciatingly infatuated entry comes in on FrontBurner which calls it "seriously drool-worthy" and thanks Tristan personally for being invited to the private party-media preview.
Exhibit C 2 p.m. Wednesday: Coming in last (true to form!), the DMN weighs in, calling one sandwich a "tasty, messy delight," and a "Simon told me" yada-yada quote that tells ME the author sure is plugged in. "We're just glad it's finally here," sez the DMN; so are we!
As an addendum, when a call was placed to the restaurant on Thursday morning, asking the hours of operation, "Anna," who answered the phone, said the restaurant didn't want to divulge hours because those hours might change, and there would be no point in giving out hours if they changed. When asked what time the restaurant would open just on Thursday, with no expectations of a long-term commitment, she said, "Look, I'm not trying to be rude, but you're the one who called me."
*UPDATE: "Badovinus" now correct!
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Photos: Basement speakeasy called Hi/Lo opens underneath Mason Bar in Uptown Dallas
twslv, Mason Bar does still have dinner, though it's not available downstairs in Hi/Lo unless it's b
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Was there Saturday night - the place still blows
ms_ery, anonymous:
Great item.
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Billusa99, anonymous:
So... uuuum... does this mean that you and me and ms_ery are on the D list? Oh, well...
(yes... great item)
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AnnePal, anonymous:
Illustration = awesome.
I really enjoy the phrase "seriously drool-worthy." Wow.
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twisteddog, anonymous:
I personally declined my invitation to this event based solely on the quality of the guest list.
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ms_ery, anonymous:
Question, TG: Do you know these news people lavishing praise on The Porch? Are any of them food or restaurant writers? Or are they just schmucks who think because they eat they can critique? And of course, the papers/mags let them, never considering that for music or sports, say, they'd never let the amateurs have a forum. Be that as it may, I just checked the always self-congratulatory blog called Front Burner. Not a single comment about your Pegasus item. Could they, in their all-seeing ways, have missed it? One wonders.
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ms_ery, anonymous:
Twisted Dog: Catahoula 86 says that she understands your reluctance to attend an event that would have YOU as a guest.
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twisteddog, anonymous:
Most invitations I accept are exclusive one-on-one affairs. However, if Cat Hole would like to attend one, I'll see what I can do to get her on the serving staff.
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ms_ery, anonymous:
Twisted Dog: So exclusive!! Now I am confused about who you might be. If we happen to be in the same room, should I genuflect?
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
ms_ery, none of the raves that porch has received came from people who review restaurants for a living. do you suppose that has something to do with their ardent praise?
so how many free meals does it take before you stop being wowed so easily?
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twisteddog, anonymous:
Liver snap would be cool.
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Mike Orren, verified:
Tim Rogers calls out Teresa's calling out:
http://frontburner.dmagazine.com/2007...
For the record, Cuba Libre used to be one of my favorite restaurants, but the last couple times I went it had gone way downhill.
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Billusa99, anonymous:
The FB people have noticed now. The are calling on their ever-recognized, elder maidenhead to respond with some expertise. Oh, wait... she never cooked in a restaurant, either...
Twisted... get ready to paw back... ;-)
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DMBurrows, anonymous:
thanks Tristan!
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kirk, anonymous:
Tim Rogers' contention that Teresa Gubbins can't review The Porch is ridiculous. It's like saying that a movie critic who doesn't like Woody Allen's marital behavior, or Quentin Tarantino's pre-release promotional activities, can't objectively review either director's films. Or that D Magazine can't give a negative review to a restaurant whose owner Nancy Nichols is friendly with.
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
i think i can't review the porch because i can't spell badovinus
and i don't know nancy's resume fully but i think she did work as a caterer
the person on frontburner who claimed a friendship with tristan/nick was not nancy but instead stephanie quadri, who is style editor of the magazine
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twisteddog, anonymous:
Snore.
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Billusa99, anonymous:
Gotta love ya, Dawg!
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www_LawReviewers_com, anonymous:
http://frontburner.dmagazine.com/2007...
We would like to offer our services to help mediate the burgeoning dispute/conflagration/WWF Smackdown between Pegasus and FrontBurner (R) (Note: we couldn't figure out how to create the "R" symbol, please don't sue us or that would be deeply ironic). After all, we don't get paid to write our restaurant reviews, but we do get paid to be legal-talking guys. We propose that Teresa Gubbins and Nancy Nichols each take us to a press restaurant opening/junket and we will judge which is the best/classiest/one that gave us the most free food. Our services are available seven days a week and our rates are really reasonable. Thanks, Tristan.
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Rawlins, anonymous:
How could anyone who even has passing knowledge of 'D' Mag's Nancy Nichols think she never worked in restaurants and/or as a cook? You could be in a quasi coma, coming off serious anesthetic following complicated surgery in a power outage, and know, simply by (ok this is the must-do part) reading her reviews. The publishing biz is as fickle as the restaurant world, but 1/3rd century (loveit?), 'D' has had more staying power than a bouncer on steroids and Viagra. In other words, it's like lip gloss or Scott Sams; here to stay. Yet reading this, you think Nichols simply showed up one day and told Wick Allison "I love to eat and I love pretty food so make me your food editor"? What's that word I'm looking for???? (No not Thanks Tristan). Ah yes. 'Silly'!
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Billusa99, anonymous:
I see that the elder food maven of FB has recognized me as a weasel. The plank in her eye must be blinding her to the real animal that I am -- a mere speck of an Oprah bachelor from Arlington! But wait, she called them names too. Must be the water they drink in their Oak Lawn offices.
And the 10,000th comment in Pegasus, too. Such double honors, all in one week!
Well, since the pigeons are running, I'm going to celebrate by shooting some squab for dinner. Thanks again, Tristan, for letting me fire from the comfort of your porch.
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What do you think?