Pegasus’ Professional NFL Expert Picks - Week 11

After a week off, our panel is back and angry for vengeance!

Most print publications have experts picking NFL games every week: Pegasus News, however, is different, in that we have near-flawless methodology in picking teams that will actually win. Our prestigious panel of perfect prognosticators --Justin Smith, Chris Curotolo, Todd Maternowski and Mike Bullock-- will take the future from our crystal balls and slam it on your tables each and every week.

As an added bonus, we have included a fifth column called "Mascot War", in which we discuss which team's actual mascot would win in a pitched battle to the death in the wild.

Most of these picks need no explanation: however, our panel has provided some scholarly and learned commentary for certain especially difficult-to-pick games.

Chris: Eagle versus Dolphin -- Finally, the battle we’ve all been waiting for as America’s favorite animal takes on Glen Frey and the boys. Yes, THOSE Eagles, and this battle takes place at the Hotel California. Indeed the only shimmering light we’ll see is off the shiny backs of one of these Miami Dolphins (yes, this is going to be THIS cheesy). The sweet summer sweat continues in December as Don Shula is forced to keep his pink champagne on ice. Indeed there hasn’t been a winning spirit here since 1972. Luckily for the Eagles, these Dolphins have not been programmed to receive. Eagle over Dolphin.

Mike: Charger versus Jaguar -- The Chargers rev up to take on the Jaguars this week. The Jaguars are a tough opponent with their camouflaged fur and are very stealthy when stalking their prey. The Chargers have one of the best weapons, a bolt of electricity. This week the Chargers will assemble a Tesla coil and shock any Jaguar that comes within 20 yards of the end zone. Charger over Jaguar.

Justin: Giant versus Lion -- Giant: I can't lose.

Lion: Are you sure? I mean, I've got these really sharp teeth....

Giant: Yeah, but I'm a Giant.

Lion: Wait, you didn't let me finish. I'm also really fast. Did you see that? No, you didn't because you're not a Lion, I am.

Giant: But I'm a Giant.

Lion: Exactly.

Giant: Exactly what?

Lion: Exactly what what.

(pause)

Lion: Ok. You're confused. Let me ask you this. You're a Giant? Ok. A Giant what? Like a Giant popsicle? A Giant gun? A Giant Joe Pesci?

Giant: (confused) I don't know. I never really thought about it before.

Lion: Really? Being the King of the Jungle affords me plenty of time to sit around, read, check my email. I read alot. Did you know that Wittgenstein says that language consists of pictures of reality...

Giant: Wait, aren't we supposed to have a war this week?

Lion: Just make a decision as to what kind of Giant you are. But you cant be a Giant Lion. Thats cheating. Same thing happened when I had to fight the Brown. He wanted to be a Brown Lion. Kept whining over and over again how it wasn't fair. I said, "Hey, you're the one from Cleveland, not me. Deal with it." He finally decided on a Brown Crayon. What a moron. So just decide and we can fight. Just don't take too long. That gazelle I had for breakfast isn't sitting too well.

Lion over Giant.

Todd: Steeler versus Jet -- Ah, the classic battle of Raw Material versus Finished Product, Nasty and Brutish Man versus Glistening Sky-Bound Machine, Hard-Working Troglodyte versus Celestial Eagle. At first glance, one might assume that the high-flying Jet would make quick work of the Steeler with its deadly array of Surface-to-Face missles, automatic guidance systems and tremendous speed advantage. After all, onlookers might say, the Sum is better than the Whole of its Parts. But upon closer inspection, the Jet is very much at the mercy of the Steeler -- in this pitched battle to the death, one can easily see the Steeler bellowing "I AM YOUR MAKER!! YOU ARE NOTHING BEFORE ME!!", before casually tossing a lead pipe into the Jet's engine. Steeler over Jet.