Theater Review: Valley of the Dolls

by John Garcia of John Garcia's The Column

Sure, Valley of the Dolls has its problems, but remember, this is a work in progress, and even with its flaws, it is still a show that should be highly commended for attempting such a Herculean task.

Within the endless catalogue of motion pictures, there are some films that are worshiped and adored by certain sections of society. For father & sons who love baseball there is Field of Dreams, for female best friends its Beaches, for the military fanatic its Top Gun, and for sci-fi fans its Star Wars. As for Valley of the Dolls, its biggest fans tend to be gay men and theater folk who possess a twisted and wicked sense of humor.

Valley of the Dolls is based on Jacqueline Susann's gossipy pulp novel about three girls who enter the worlds of music, film, Broadway, and fashion. Through a hazy road we see them go through an endless parade of men, mountains of pills (called "Dolls" in the book), and rivers of booze. In December 1967, the film version of the book premiered starring Patty Duke, Sharon Tate, and Barbara Parkins. Duke had already won an Oscar by the time she did this pot boiler. As for Tate, sadly she is only remembered as one of the victims from the Charles Manson killings. At the time of her death she was pregnant with Film Director Roman Polanski's child. Parkins had just done the successful TV series, Peyton Place.

Susann even had a cameo as a reporter in the film; however, she like the film critics, hated the film. But nonetheless it became a box office hit.

As it tends to happen with box office hits, a hideous sequel was filmed titled Beyond the Valley of the Dolls in 1970. This one had three girls who made up a hippie, pot smoking rock band. Thrown into this nightmare were porn stars, a Nazi butler, ear bleeding songs, god awful acting, and even a hermaphrodite who spoke like a British Shakespearean actor…um actress…um, oh never mind. Fun fact here -- guess who wrote the screenplay? None other than Mr. "two thumps up!" himself-Roger Ebert!

In 1981 there was an updated TV film version of Valley of the Dolls starring Lisa Hartman, Catherine Hicks, and Veronica Hamel.

It is however the '67 film that has still today its cult following. The schlock-filled cheesy acting, the over-the-top hysterics, and that dreadful dialogue. It is overflowing with camp, and I'm sure the creators of the film never intended for that to happen, but it did. How many times have you heard "Sparkle Neely Sparkle!" and "So you crawl back to BROADway?"

When Uptown Players announced that they were going to mount a stage version of Valley of the Dolls, I cackled with glee. I immediately thought to myself, "Okay, they are going to turn this into such a hysterical campy, kitschy filled production that will include a couple of the roles with men in drag." I was filled with anticipation on what they would create from the material.

As I observed the production Friday night, the final product was not exactly what I anticipated.

There are several problems that hinder the piece. It seems as though the writer/directors tried to literally put the actual film on stage. That doesn't work. In film you can use cutaways, editing, and photography to push the film along. It can't work for the stage. This resulted in several scenes not connecting from one to the next. It jumped quickly through time with only a line or comment stated to let the audience know we've moved through several years. Or a newspaper headline appears briefly on the video screen. If you were not familiar with the film, you could have easily been lost. It really needed continuity between scenes to make the progression of the time frame work.

A couple of the key "signature" scenes that fans of the film love were staged either far upstage right or left, not center. Thereby it reduced the impact of enjoying those famous scenes on stage. Instead of being center, they are crammed into very tight quarters. Examples of this include the infamous "wig" scene and Helen Lawson demanding the cutting of Neely's song.

The length of the piece is also a problem. The first act is practically 90 minutes long. It could use some major editing, because it really needs like 30-40 minutes shaved off.

However, the key issue for me was the confusion of its tone and theme. Was this supposed to be a comedy? A drama? A comedy/drama? A musical? There was so much thrown on stage (and onto the audience to soak in) that at times it just became baffling.

At the Friday night performance I attended, you could sense the audience not knowing when to laugh, where to laugh, or was that (on stage) supposed to be funny. You felt like you were on a car that started off smoothly, but then kept sputtering and stopping dead in its tracks. This was especially true of the second act. It suddenly became a heavy drama, and you just didn't know whether you were supposed to laugh or not.

I must confess I really wanted much, much more of the camp, kitschy factor flowing through the entire piece, not just sprinkled here and there. I'm not saying it needed over the top (or as I call "Wacka, wacka, wacka" acting) hysterics. But let's be honest here: It is the camp factor of the film that we love so much about it (at least for me). Some of the most famous scenes that we all know by heart now felt anti-climactic on stage.

The two biggest laughs of the evening (at least the night I was there) were actually the ones that had that campy, "wink towards the audience" overtones. One had to deal with Anne and the ocean in the second act, and the other was when Jennifer (Cara Serber) stated the line, "Well you know how b*tchy f**s can be". Ms. Serber did a take towards the audience and then added a hand gesture that had the audience rolling on the floor in laughter. It was those "nudge, nudge, wink, wink towards the audience" camp embellishments like these two examples that the piece needed a lot more of.

Please do NOT assume I did not like the production, because I did. I was just so disappointed that it lacked what I assumed would be loaded with camp. But that's what makes theater the best living art form we have. Theater is left up to you to interpret it on your own. What one person may like, another may not. I am positive there are those who were relieved that there was hardly any camp or kitsch attached at all to the piece.

There are several added touches that do succeed wonderfully in the play. An example of this is the spinning bed for Jennifer's drug-induced suicide. Another sublime staging moment is the final pose. The way all three leading ladies softly sit on the bed, then in unison look up towards stage left -- it is a gorgeous, elegant staging moment. Then there are the physical elements of the piece.

Wade Giampa's scene design is marvelous both in its structure and color. It is a mixture of "Laugh In", "Sonny & Cher", and a hint of an LSD trip. Four lavender arches anchor the piece of various platforms and stairs. The colors and patterns splattered on the set are bold, vibrant, and blinding. It truly is one dazzling, colorful set that feels like you have been sent back to the 60s.

The costumes designed by Coy Covington and Suzi Shankle that appear on stage are masterpieces of fashion. The attention to detail and period is jaw dropping. I felt like I was at a 60s fashion runway show and kept expecting Twiggy to appear on stage at any moment in one of her signature looks. From the day wear, to rehearsal garments, to office outfits, to the exquisite gowns, to the furs, and jewels -- it was all magnificent. To costume such a large cast must be daunting, but yet each cast member was costumed impeccably. These are some of the most amazing costumes to ever grace a local stage. I also thoroughly enjoyed how some costumes were cut and created to look like some of the original film costumes (such as the costumes in the "wig" scene). Kudos as well to Covington's terrific wig designs. Each wig was cut, colored, sprayed, and sculpted to fit both the period and the performer in perfect harmony.

A round of applause must also go to Chris Robinson's multimedia design of video montages, magazine covers, newspaper headlines, and even commercials. They enriched the production immensely.

This is a large company on stage, but there were several that did stand out and deliver truly grand performances.

Joe Nemmers is smashing as "Lyon Burke", a writer who tries his best to stop his playboy antics. Nemmers gets the joke within the piece and delivers the humor consistently. Nemmers possesses a rich, dark, bass voice that commands the stage each time he is on. Using both his voice and his facial expressions to help seal in the jokes result in a first rate performance.

John Venable is deliciously funny in the two roles he is assigned to. He has the same, odd vocal overtones as Martin Milner (who originated the role on film) to portray "Mel Harris". He is Neely's husband who can no longer deal with her booze and pills. For the second act, he is the flashy Ted Casablanca. Venable is dressed in black, topped off with a hilarious wig. Anyone who wears a huge gold medallion in a hot tub (as Venable does for one scene) -- well, you can't help but applaud and thoroughly enjoy Venable's work.

From the women ensemble, the scene-stealer was none other than Lulu Ward. Each character was completely different in both voice & body. My personal favorite was the butch nurse who was channeling Nurse Mildred Ratched. Watch her god awful attempt at dancing during the sanatorium scene -- she is hilarious.

All three leading ladies are superb within the play. We've come to accept that both Patty Breckenridge and Cara Statham Serber can do no wrong. These two actresses continue to deliver outstanding work in whatever role they are cast in.

Breckenridge portrays "Neely O'Hara", the Patty Duke role. Her character arc is spotless. She goes from wide-eyed innocent to a ball-busting, drunken, pill-popping diva with hilarious results. She even does the infamous "necklace" joke! Breckenridge once again shows with her talents why she is one of the most sought after actresses within the DFW acting pool with her brava work in Valley of the Dolls.

Cara Statham Serber delivers her best performance ever in this piece as the dumb blonde actress "Jennifer North". Serber has nailed down perfectly Sharon Tate's vocal inflections. She generates loud laughs each time she answers the phone with, "Hello Mother". But when she screams at her beau Tony (Rick Starkweather) when he collapses, it is met with thunderous guffaws. Serber looks hot and sexy as hell with her long, gorgeous stems, billowing blonde mane, and boobs overflowing. Serber finishes her characterization off with priceless facial expressions. She is sublime.

It should be noted that one of the funniest and campiest moments that included Serber was the god awful "art" film she did in France. Jennifer goes to France to begin a film career, and we as the audience see on screen one of these so called "art" films. It actually is soft core porn that you would find on Cinemax late at night. Serber's co-star in the film is none other than the always terrific Gary Floyd. Both actors writhe in bed with those "bad porn acting" facial expressions that had the audience in constant giggles. Floyd (wearing a bad Al Parker moustache) gets a huge laugh afterwards with a shot of him on the bed, with the sheet covering his qua-qua.

One of the greatest pleasures of reviewing theater is when you watch a new star being born right in front of your eyes. In Valley of the Dolls, it is Lynn Blackburn who achieves this in her breath-taking, tour de force performance as "Anne Welles".

The girl looks like she just stepped out a 1960s Vogue magazine. Ms. Blackburn looks ravishing on stage. Her long, elegant legs, that soft, crème skin, and that beautiful face encased in wigs that are in soft hues of coffee and cinnamon. Her hypnotic doe-like eyes are heavily made up in perfect period make up, so we see them like two luminous baubles. The costumes that Covington and Shankle have designed for her to wear are splendid. Her finale costume is a beaded soft pink gown, a fur wrap, and simple jewels. When she appeared, there were actual soft gasps in the audience. Each costume and wig looks divine on her. The girl could wear a paper bag and Styrofoam and still look like a million bucks. She physically looks like a fashion goddess each time she graces on stage, and we are mere mortals to admire her from the darkness of the audience.

But then there's that acting craft. This talented thespian has done her homework! She has nailed down the facial expressions (especially the eyes) of Barbara Parkins (who originated the role on film). Blackburn has to only do a take to the audience and everyone is bending over in loud laughter. She never once drops her character. Even in scenes in which she is not the focus, you see her there in complete focus and commitment to her character's emotions.

I will not ruin it for you, but wait till you see what Ms. Blackburn does with a certain beach scene: it is one of the funniest and most memorable moments ever on a Dallas-Fort Worth stage. Blackburn is hysterical as the shy, quiet office assistant who becomes a high paid model.

It should also be noted that the raw, sexual chemistry between Joe Nemmers and Blackburn is sizzlingly erotic. They both play off each other perfectly and stay firmly committed to their characters involvement with each other. Mark my words, Lynn Blackburn is phenomenal in this production and you will kick yourself in the head if you miss her in this role.

Sure, Valley of the Dolls does have its problems, but remember-this is a work in progress, and even with its flaws, it is still a show that should be highly commended for attempting such a Herculean task such as this.

Take a sip of your vodka stinger, pop in a couple of dolls, and get your ticket at Uptown Players and visit Valley of the Dolls.

Shows at 8:00 p.m. Thursdays through Saturdays and 2:00 p.m. on Sundays. All shows take place at the KD Studio Theatre. Tickets are $22-25 and can be purchased online or by phone at 214-219-2718. NOTE: They still have tickets for the Wednesday, September 5th and Thursday, September 6th performances.

GRADE: B

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