by Alex Bentley

Any film that tries to use a theme as trite as good vs. evil in these modern times is showcasing its laziness right away.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Doomed by a double-crossing sorceress to spend eternity in suspended animation, China's ruthless Dragon Emperor and his 10,000 warriors have lain forgotten for eons, entombed in clay as a vast, silent terra cotta army. But when dashing adventurer Alex O'Connell is tricked into awakening the ruler from eternal slumber, the reckless young archaeologist must seek the help of the only people who know more than he does about taking down the undead: his parents. As the monarch roars back to life, his quest for world domination has only intensified over the millennia. Striding the Far East with unimaginable supernatural powers, the Emperor Mummy will rouse his legion as an unstoppable, otherworldly force--unless the O'Connells can stop him first.

Source: Cinema Source

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The prologue of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor begins with the voiceover saying, “Long ago in China, an epic battle between good and evil took place.” And thus it is apparent from minute one that the third film in The Mummy series will not even attempt to be any good. Any film that tries to use a theme as trite as good vs. evil in these modern times is showcasing its laziness right away.

Okay, maybe I’m being extra harsh since I can’t think of a sequel that less people were clamoring for than this one (okay, maybe one). It’s been seven years since the last Mummy (not counting spinoff The Scorpion King), and even though that film made a tad over $200 million, if a third film were actually warranted, it would’ve come out well before now, right?

Brendan Fraser acting about 10 times more macho than he actually is.

Then again, Indiana Jones came back after almost 20 years – greed knows no bounds in Hollywood. The Indy comparison is actually more than apt for Emperor; with most of the film taking place in China, it feels almost like a rehash of Temple of Doom. Note to Emperor producers: ToD is generally considered to be the worst of the initial Indy trilogy. Not exactly the comparison you were aiming for, I’d bet.

As if it matters, the action this time around is set in 1946. Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser) and wife Evelyn (Maria Bello, replacing Rachel Weisz) are now retired, living the supposed good life in England. Their son, Alex (Luke Ford), has inherited Rick’s adventurous ways, making his way as an archaeologist. Not so coincidentally, Alex discovers the long-lost tomb of Chinese Emperor Han (Jet Li) at the same time as Rick and Evelyn are lured out of retirement to deliver a precious diamond to China.

Keeping up the Indy theme, some friends are actually foes and due to their meddling, Emperor Han is soon revived from a curse that had been put on him thousands of years ago by Zi Juan (Michelle Yeoh, making her obligatory appearance in an American film involving an Asian country). Of course, Rick and Alex must now fight through their differences to defeat yet another mummy. Three guesses as to how it ends, and the first two don’t count.

There are some mildly clever/self-referential moments scattered throughout the film. Evelyn’s brother Jonathan (John Hannah) is now running a bar in, of course, China called Imhotep’s, named after the mummy they had to defeat twice before. And Weisz’s absence is semi-explained/acknowledged by having Evelyn write books about the first two adventures, stating in a book reading that the character of Evelyn in the book is completely different than the real Evelyn. Oh, sure, that explains it.

The abominable snowman right before the hip thrusting commences.

The rest of the film, however, is utter nonsense. Making a film about mummies gives the filmmakers a license to do just about anything, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they should. The initial curse put on Emperor Han is neither scary nor impressive; instead, it looks as if Han and his army had stumbled into the Willy Wonka factory, as they appear to have chocolate syrup coming out of them. Part of the main story takes place in the Himalayas, so, naturally, abominable snowmen become part of the plot. It would be bad enough that they look like a cross between polar bears and Arnold Schwarzenegger; it becomes worse when, following a fight, they celebrate their triumph by using a combination arm pump/hip thrust gesture that’s about as anachronistic for the time period as you can get (not to mention something a real abominable snowman would never do).

The action is nowhere near as exciting as director Rob Cohen would like you to think (CGI ≠ good filmmaking) and the actors are held prisoner by the uniformly bad dialogue. Is there anything nice to say about The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor? Um ... let’s see … it was over in less than two hours? Yeah, that’s about it.