Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dallas-based rock band The Crazy Ivans find a singer, start recording

By Pegasus News wire

Brand-new Dallas-based rock band The Crazy Ivans have finally found a lead singer, and have started to record their first album. The group, which includes two Pegasus News staffers Justin Smith and Todd Maternowski --as well as a pair of longtime musicians James Grinnell and Keith Riskey-- is a straight-up rock band, and should be a welcome relief to local rock fans who've felt deprived of balls-shaking rock music for the past decade or so.

Look for the bands' tour bus at an arena near you

The band had been sans a singer until recently, however, when --after a lengthy and tortuous audition process-- the band finally selected former Jane Loves Dick singer Kristen Diehl (likes: long walks on the beach, puppies, killing nazi ninja assassins and using their entrails to paint her Bentley) as their lead vocalist. At the same time, they also added young up-and-coming organist/pianist Michael Maternowski (Favorite sexual position: the Hypersexual Headbutt) to man the Hammond X-3.

Now with a complete lineup, this fully-operational Deathstar of Rock spans the entire spectrum of the rock genre. Sounding like a cross between Optimus Prime with flaming Sarlaac pits for fists, and six yeti mating in interdimensional space, The Crazy Ivans will be the driving force of Rock Unity not seen since Genghis Khan united the Mongol tribes in 1206. Only half as bloodthirsty and twice as likely to melt face, listening to The Crazy Ivans is like having front-row seats to a Scarlett Johansson-Keira Knightly Zero-Gravity Oil-Wrestling Battle Royale. Except that at the end of one of their shows, you will get laid.

The band should be appearing in your favorite music venue soon: until then, they are currently recording a five-song EP Go Back to Russia, Sucka at the illustrious TM Studios. Engineered by a genuine Guiness World Record Holder, the album should be out and available for download by mid-September, and has already received some impressive accolades:

"After listening to this record, I now know that Nirvana will occur on this earth, and within the next five months" -- The Dalai Lama

"It is my sole reason to live" -- Michael Phelps

"I will personally pour lava directly into the ears of anyone who refuses to listen to this album" -- Barack Obama

With a growing fanbase and a song catalog fueled by the newly-discovered element of Rockfaceium, The Crazy Ivans are looking forward to the public unveiling of Go Back to Russia, Sucka. Stay tuned for details.

Posted by Todd M.

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• Arts > Popular Music > Rock

Comments

Pavel Lishin Verified

I am cautiously optimistic.

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Collin Gouldin Verified

cause we all know, they key to a good album is to have a GUINNESS WORLD RECORD(tm) holder engineer it.

:-)

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Pavel Lishin Verified

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

klue Anonymous

I thought pizza was Michael Phelps' sole reason to live. Did he mistake the CD for a shiny thin crust personal pan?

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Alex Bentley Staff

Best damn clone I've ever seen:

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

jtmbls Anonymous

I'm favoriting sergal. She makes less sense than me.

Pavel - Your dog is freaking me out.

1 year, 2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )