Thursday, December 18, 2008

Gay List Daily’s must-do events: Dec. 18-24

By Staff of Gay List Daily

Thetan Thespians: A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant

Tonight through Saturday, December 20

Somewhere Tom Cruise is very angry, not only are his favorite pair of shoes on a shelf the poor thing just can’t reach without breaking out the step stool, but his beloved religion is also being skewered in a local musical comedy. We’d recommend a sedative to calm him down, but don’t want to get into a Brooke Shields-like catfight with the lil’ fella. Guess we’ll have to take Katie as our date to this musical send up of L. Ron Hubbard’s work, assuming we still have that spare key for her shackles.

Tickets: $20 - $30; Circle Theatre, Fort Worth; www.circletheatre.com

Bulging Sacks (Of Toys): Texas Ballet Theater presents The Nutcracker

Tonight through Sunday, December 21 in Fort Worth

Football and ballet may seem like totally opposite worlds to the untrained eye, but upon closer inspection we can tell you how to have fun at both. Step one: drinking. For football go with beer, for ballet opt for a nice pre-show white wine or perhaps some really strong eggnog. Step two: if your mind starts to wander or you get bored (which is often our case at either event), just focus your attention on the really tights pants, or in the case of ballet – tights! Soon you’ll be transported to your own magical world following the bouncing balls as toy soldiers and quarterbacks do whatever it is they do. Three hours will feel like five minutes has passed.

Tickets: $19 -$99; Bass Hall, Fort Worth (In Dallas December 23-28); www.texasballettheater.org

And To Thine Own ELF Be True: The Santaland Diaries

Through Sunday, December 28

Forget It’s A Wonderful Life, we prefer our Christmas tales on the subversive side complete with cursing and naughtiness. Nye Cooper reprises his annual role as a disenchanted elf in David Sedaris’ one-man-show later chronicled in his books Barrel Fever and Holidays On Ice. A must-see if you really want to be put in the snarky holiday spirit.

Tickets: $12; Contemporary Theatre of Dallas, Dallas; www.contemporarytheatreofdallas.com

Arty Alumination: Pard Morrison: Ghost Call Love

Closes Saturday, December 20

It was harder than finding a guy who didn’t lie about his “swimmer’s build” on his ManHunt profile, but we were able to track down at least one non-holiday themed event for you this week. Enjoy the paintings and welded works of minimalist artist Pard Morrison. Think of it as our gift to you, a special place free from the Musak version of Alvin and The Chipmunks’ “Christmas Time.”

Marty Walker Gallery, Dallas; www.martywalkergallery.com

Grape Expectations: Christmas Eve Dining

Wednesday, December 24, beginning 5:30 p.m.

You’ll have Christmas Day to choke down mom’s famous “dryer-than-the-Sahara” turkey, so why not treat yourself to a last meal at The Grape before washing down that sawdust-filled poultry with some box wine. Start off with a delicious Cheese and Charcuterie Plate, then move on to Braised Pork “Osso Bucco” or perhaps a Crispy Peking Duck Breast. Round out the whole meal with wine from The Grape’s extensive collection. You know, the fancy stuff that comes in bottles. Reservations recommended.

The Grape, Dallas; www.thegraperestaurant.com

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