Law Reviewers 2008 Golden Gavel Awards

by The Law Reviewers of of The Law Reviewers

They say there’s a kid in all of us. Gross. Genteel readers, we’ve known you since we were wee baby lawyers, suckling at the teat of torts. But now we’re all growns up, and we have little lawyers of our own, litigating their way into our hearts (just kidding, we don’t have hearts). So without further adoo doo, please sit in the back near the restrooms, order some chicken fingers and mac and cheese, and enjoy this year’s Golden Gavel Awards: Kid Friendly Edition.

To qualify for this year’s Kid Gavelies a/k/a Kiddies, our nominees must have met 8 out of 7 of the following essential kid friendly conditions:

1. Quick service

2. Noise proof/resistant/already so noisy no one will care

3. Kid accessories (sugar packets and coffee creamers count)

4. Kid menu (if they’re eating); Decent adult menu (either way)

5. Dark colored interior AND/OR outdoor area

6. Other kids

7. Near our lawyerly abodes

Best Norman Rockwell Impression: Highland Park Pharmacy. Just don’t let them into the actual pharmacy section – most of that stuff is not food!

Best Playground: Dream Café. Outdoor seating for those parents who want to at least pretend they are watching their kids, while they’re really eyeballing that last bit of syrah in the bottle.

Best Latin: La Duni. Upscale, reasonably priced menu and loud. Brunch with pastries is kid friendly and sneaky good.

Best Italian: Penne Pomodoro. Hard to tell who's louder – the throngs of screaming kids or the drunk and rowdy SMU undergrads. Either way, you'll feel right at home.

Best Burger: Snuffer’s. The Preston Center location is more kid friendly, but the Greenville location is the best place to have “the talk” with your kids when they ask what the Condoms To Go store across the street is all about. Honorable Mention: Who’s Who Burger. Parkie prices, but great patio. Leave feeling greasy, clothes smelling like grease: Balls (Midway and Northwest Highway).

Best Patio: Ozona. Great place to watch a game while convincing your wife you're watching your kids.

Best Asian (tie): Asian Mint. Don't confuse it with The Mint which is too narrow and electric blue to be kid friendly, but the original on Forest is a great option if you go early and call ahead. Royal Thai. Avoid the lunch and dinner rushes; stay inside and enjoy the cool interior and great service.

Best Milkshake: Twisted Root. That ought to shut the little monster up for five minutes. Honorable Mention: Potbelly. Sorta not really healthy smoothies can fool the little drooler into thinking he’s getting a real milkshake. Plus, that ought to shut the little monster up for five minutes.

Best Something For Everyone With Money: R&D Kitchen (formerly Café R&D). Houston's 'less attractive cousin' where you can actually get a table in ten minutes instead of ten hours.

Best Something For Everyone With Student Loans: Celebration Restaurant. Large groups can get a whole room to themselves; small groups can sit on the patio. With its proximity to Love Field, junior’s screeching can’t be heard over the 7:10 to Midland/Odessa.

Who Has Time To Sit? Sitting Is For Suckers. Chaat Corner (in the Taj Mahal grocery store). Pay when you leave. Spicy or not. Fresh ingredients. Fried ingredients. Freshly fried ingredients.

Best Hot Dogs n’ Ice Cream: By default, Wild About Harry’s. Agonizing parking situation, most chairs are stools (toddlers over 5 feet tall shouldn’t have a problem), and achingly crowded at peak times. But, hot dogs and custard… man, that’s like filet mignon to someone who watches “The Backyardigans.”

Best Pizza (East Dallas): Scalini’s. Tight space, but all the better to hear the gossip on the Lakewood mafia. Best Pizza (Northwest Dallas): Franki’s. Inexpensive pizza and pasta (great daily specials) and friendly staff. It’s a real neighborhood joint, with plenty of parking (looking at you, Harry).

Tex-Mex/Best Place For Kids To “Be Seen”: Mi Cocina (Highland Park). If you're determined to have your kid grow up to be an insufferable Parkie. Runner Up: Taco Diner (Preston Center). If you're determined to have your kid grow up to be an insufferable surburbanite. Who Cares If You’re Seen: Tupinamba’s. The food comes out so fast, it must be from the tasty side of a Pancho’s (raise the flag!) kitchen. Plus, the restaurant is divided into three sectors: the bar, the dining area, and the people with kids area, or as we like to call it, The Zoo Crew.

Best Place To Have a Schnitzel: Kuby’s. We know a little German, and he works there nights and weekends.

Best Place For “Fancy Dining”: Kirby’s. No matter how well behaved you think they are, you’re not taking your kids to Bob’s or Al Biernat’s. But, at Kirby’s, you can get food that’s just as good and the service is so fast, you’ll be home before the rug rats can throw a tantrum.

Well, that wraps up yet another year of snarky restaurant reviews and questionable legal advice. Can we take our screaming kids to places where all the other patrons will be really annoyed? Yes, we can! Can we go forth into the new year with a renewed resolve to overanalyze every new dining experience? Yes, we can! Can we decide, once and for all, whether Ben and Skin are the Coy and Vance to Bob and Dan's Bo and Luke? Yes, we can! Can we do our small part to take a memorable political slogan and run it into the ground? Yes, we can! Can we build it? No, no we can’t, we’re lawyers, remember? Thank you, Cod bless you, and Cod bless the United States of Arugula!