Dallas Fort-Worth’s top off-field sports distractions of 2008

by Todd Maternowski

Put a microphone in front of a professional athlete, and more often than not you're going to get something as riveting and explosive as a nice warm glass of milk. Athletes are trained from a very young age to respond to media inquiries with the most boring, inside-the-box responses imaginable, inserting "both teams played really hard" when they truthfully should have said "Holy crap, I couldn't believe their coach decided to punt on 4th-and-inches from our 35 yard line in the fourth quarter... what a moron!"

Dallas teams, fortunately, have rarely had to worry about boring players and coaches: with owners like Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban in the fold, it's usually just a matter of time until Dallas sports fans can expect something interesting to happen. These are the Top Four Off-Field Distractions of 2008.

#4: Milton Bradley going after an announcer after a game -- Immediately following a Texas Rangers win over the annually-pathetic Royals, Milton Bradley bounded up four flights of stairs looking for Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre. Lefebvre had made some derogatory remarks about Bradley, in comparison to fellow Ranger Josh Hamilton, saying that it didn't appear that Bradley had 'turned his life around.'

Any hope of an exciting player-announcer beatdown were snuffed, however, when Rangers GM Jon Daniels and manager Ron Washington intercepted Bradley before he reached the booth.

#3: Terrell Owens jealous of Romo-Witten sleepovers -- Terrell Owens is undeniably one of the greatest receivers in NFL history, and, if some reports are to beleived, a terrific teamate (not to mention a published author). Yet for some reason, it seems T.O. can't go four weeks without ESPN slapping him in the middle of yet another tired, unconfirmed non-story in a lame effort to drum up controversy.

It's no secret that T.O. likes to catch passes; it's also no secret that these alleged comments came after a loss to the Steelers in which Romo's ill-advised and forced passes to a hobbled and/or unawares Witten were the direct cause of the Cowboys' fourth-quarter meltdown. Predictably, all sides "involved" denied the reports, and they went on to beat down the heavily-favored Giants the very next week.

#2: Sean Avery's Sloppy Seconds comment draws the quick hammer of NHL justice -- When the nonsenscial Avery signing was announced this summer, the Dallas media licked their chops and set the table: the Dallas Stars have easily been the most professional, good-natured major sports organization in Dallas-Fort Worth for at least a decade. Acquiring a player like Avery would finally give bored beat writers something juicy to write about, and Avery did not disappoint. During a season marred by injuries and flat-out pathetic play, the biggest story in the NHL originated during an impromptu 'press conference' called by Avery before a Calgary Flames game, in which he took a potshot at the Flames' Dion Phaneuf, who is currently dating one of Avery's many supermodel ex-girlfriends. The comment could have easily been ignored by the league office, or kept as a quiet team issue, but NHL commissioner Gary Bettman decided to exercise his right as Protector of Women & Children, and suspended Avery for six games. The draconian punishment drew even more bad press to the league, as the suspension was longer than any the league had doled out for, say, illegal hits to the head or trying to use your razor-sharp skate as an offensive weapon.

The dysfunctional Stars used the suspension to their short-term advantage, cutting ties with locker-room cancer Avery and elevating their play from pitiful to merely mediocre.

#1: Josh Howard goes drag-racing, smokes weed, celebrates after a playoff loss and disrespects the National Anthem -- Did we leave anything out? Just this summer alone, Howard was caught doing 94 in a 55, admitted that he smokes weed, and had the chutzpah to hold a birthday party for himself after a terrible Game 4 playoff loss to the New Orleans Hornets.

Drag-racing in North Carolina aside, Dallas Mavericks fans are probably most infuriated with the playoff episode, as then-head coach Avery Johnson specifically told the players to avoid public celebrations during their quick five-game first round exit. But Howard did it anyway, and to make matters worse, he did it after shooting 3-for-16 and scoring just 6 points in 32 lethargic minutes.

But nothing quite compares to Howard's well-thought-out comments on the National Anthem during a charity pick-up game in September. Saying that "I don't celebrate that shit. I'm black" before making an unintelligible statement on Barack Obama no doubt endeared Howard to millions of patriotic Americans. Even normally-outspoken owner Mark Cuban was taken aback, and issued a statement saying that Howard would no longer say anything interesting, ever.

Wih media muzzles on Howard and Owens, Avery having played his last game in Dallas and Bradley heading to arbitration, it's unlikely 2009 will feature the same wealth of off-field distractions as 2008. But fans can always dream.