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Monday, June 30, 2008

The Next Food Network Star: Episode Five, June 29

By Teresa Gubbins

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Lisa Garza is a shoe-in as a finalist. "Shoe-in" becuz she's known for her designer clothes and stuff. That, my friend, is a clever pun.

Lisa Garza is a shoe-in as a finalist. "Shoe-in" becuz she's known for her designer clothes and stuff. That, my friend, is a clever pun.

The only thing keeping The Next Food Network Star watchable, at this point, is the fact that there's a local in it, Lisa Garza, who co-owns Dallas restaurant Suze. Because this season doesn't have much going for it in terms of memorable quality.

Of all the contestant reality shows, the format of this one has always been the most forced, with the contestants having to both show their food chops and also take advice on how to be appealing in front of the camera from a panel of Food Network execs who make you want to poke your eyes out. If they say "Be yourself" one more time, insert an empty but nonetheless heartfelt threat here that would be impossible to execute because they're in New York and this is Dallas.

This season, there's no suspense. Even season 2 -- the edition that irresistible Guy Fieri won -- still had a question mark until the last couple of episodes. But this year, it seems painfully obvious that 1. Garza will be a finalist, along with perky blond Kelsey and wispy blond Shane; and 2. that the clock is ticking for Adam, the comedian who knows zilch about food; and Aaron, the hospital chef unable to muster any shred of TVQ.

Cat Cora: those lips, those eyes, those strangely substantial cheekbones.

Cat Cora: those lips, those eyes, those strangely substantial cheekbones.

This week's watchability wasn't improved by the appearance of guest star Iron Chef Cat Cora, other than trying to figure out whether she's gained weight, had Restylane implants, or both. She looked unrecognizable when she first showed up.

Anyway, the contestants paired off and turned out simpler versions of complicated dishes like beef Wellington. Win or lose, Garza spouts tears at every judging session and this week was no exception. Tedious single mother Jennifer finally got booted. The previews for next week were instantly forgettable. Here's a prediction: Garza will prevail for at least another week, and either Adam or Aaron will get axed.

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Comments

Fezziwig

Fezziwig Anonymous

I tried with this show, I really did, because Top Chef was ending, but I just can't take it. The personalities are just too nauseating.

1 year ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

DC

DC Anonymous

1) Her nose is SO STRAIGHT 2) Could we also please refer to Cat bitches show as Iron Chef America as to allow proper aging for the real chairman?

1 year ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

RC_DALLAS Anonymous

Agreed -- this seasons Next Network Star is not only nauseating - its now become just plain stupid. Never before has reality TV sunk so low and put together such a lovely banquet of emotionally bankrupt and emotionally crippled characters. Its not even on the level of 'TV you love to hate' anymore -- Does anyone else (including you Ms. Gubbins) agree that:

a. The food looks worse and worse each week.

b. These future food "stars" are all but illiterate and we're not just talkin' culinary knowledge either.

c. The judges are constantly exhorting the cast members, especially the 'feel my desperation & cry on cue Moaner Lisa', to "try and not come across so false in front of the camera but try instead to work on being more genuine". God Pleeez - just shoot us all now! Remember on the first episode when then judge Alton Brown saw straight thru the false crap and even called a couple of people out on it too, if anyone else caught that. How fortuitous for those viewers who listened to him and never returned. I unfortunately wasn't one who listened.

Guess that means that the only honest thing on the show is the camera lens itself. Give me a f'ing break! I'm sorry, but this Next Food Network Star show really sucks and everyone connected with this mess should absolutely be embarrassed.

And shame on the Food Network boys too. Anthony Bourdain and chef Mario Batali are quite correct in their public disgust with the current Food Network direction. Those two have publically stated that it's no longer honorable to be associated with it anymore.

This in my opinion is unfortunate, so for now I'll be quiet and close with this -- I think that even tho she ultimately lost on Top Chef, Food Network TV should have handed Dallas chef Casey Thompson her own show right then and there, kissed her feet, given her a major Food TV contract, and saved us from this current load of odious baloney. That lady had class pal -- endo story.

1 year ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

capteucalyptus Anonymous

I watched this the first season and that was it. I did check out a few of these recent episodes and am glad that it is no longer a part of my TV diet.

I'm also distressed with the state of the network.

Where are the shows that help us cook? This is like when MTV stopped playing music.

12 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

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