Tuesday, March 18, 2008

George Carlin comes to Bass Performance Hall this Saturday

By Erin Rice

George Carlin has been at the comedy/acting game for nearly half a century, including an Oscar-worthy role as Rufus in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures. Bass Performance Hall will host the comedian for two shows in one night this Saturday, March 22nd. In honor of his visit, I have compiled a list of some of Carlin's better quotes throughout the years (not kid-friendly; maybe not safe for work depending on how closely your coworkers are looking).

• If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
• Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
• You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. (just something local)
• “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
• The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
• The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
• The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
• And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
• I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
• Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

Quotes courtesy of Blogzarro.com

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Comments

Teresa Gubbins Staff

carlin recorded a new live 1-hour special for HBO that's been running throughout March called George Carlin: It's Bad For Ya; it seems likely he'll be performing some of that material. Huffington Post has a pretty good Q&A with him, too

4 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )