Thursday, November 6, 2008
Stone-Cold NFL Peglocks of the Week: Mafia Edition
It's football season again, and that can only mean one thing: 100% accurate predictions by our sage staff of professional prognosticators. Our historical record cannot be denied: Pegasus News' panel of overpaid NFL experts --Justin Smith, Chris Curotolo, Mike Bullock and Todd Maternowski-- has proven time and time again that this publication is the only one you, the professional sports gambler, will ever need.
This season, we have invited a weekly panel of celebrity seers to join in spirited debate over the Game of the Week. The panel will change every week: this week features regular Pegnews contributors Jim Malone (a.k.a. Sean Connery in The Untouchables, as McChanneled via Justin), and Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall in The Godfather, communicating to Todd through the time-honored manner of dead horse in the bed). They will offer their expert commentary on the badda-bing Week 10 clash between the New Jersey Giants and the Philadelphia Eagles.
Jim Malone: "So, we have the wee Eagles trying to snuff out the Giants this weekend do we now? Well let's see, the Manning's are descended from king's of Eire, and the only thing i know that can stop Eli and his Jersey boys is glass of whiskey. Or a bottle. It's really the same thing once you give it to 'em. They'll keep drinking and dancing till the ship goes down. And saving their dear sweet Rose from the icy waters. What? Didn't you see Titanic? It might as well been a documentary on me and my blessed people. But given that Philly is about as smart as pete moss, I don't think we will see any of that kryptonite. Nope. They'll bring Donovan. And we'll send him to the morgue."
Tom Hagen: "Tonight, Eli sleeps with the fishes: it's an old Sicilian saying, meaning Eli is having sexual intercourse with tilapia fillets. Don't get me wrong: we love little Fredo--er, Eli. The Family always knew Peyton would get his Superbowl. But Eli... if anything in football is certain, if history has taught us anything, it's that Eagles fans can kill anyone. This Sunday, Eli will give the Eagles secondary many, many gifts that they cannot refuse."
