Thursday, November 13, 2008

Stone-Cold NFL Peglocks of the Week: Dead Rock Stars Edition

By Mike Bullock , Chris Curotolo , Todd Maternowski , Justin Smith

It's football season again, and that can only mean one thing: 100% accurate predictions by our sage staff of professional prognosticators. Our historical record cannot be denied: Pegasus News' panel of overpaid NFL experts --Justin Smith, Chris Curotolo, Mike Bullock and Todd Maternowski-- has proven time and time again that this publication is the only one you, the professional sports gambler, will ever need.

This season, we have invited a weekly panel of celebrity seers to join in spirited debate over the Game of the Week. The panel will change every week: this week features regular Pegnews contributors Sid Vicious (channeled through Justin's pet psychic), and the Jim Morrison (emailed to Todd under the mysterious pseudonym "Mojo Yo' Face"). They will offer their expert commentary on the seminal Week 11 clash between the New Orleans Saints and the Kansas City Chiefs.

Click on the pics for... oh, whatever, nevermind

Sid Vicious: "Oi! I'm not no Saint, awwight? I jus' need a little pick me up. Ahhh, thas it. Let me straighten me jacket. Now, where were we? Brees threw one of em good days bad days las' week, and got emself lubed up proper like by the birdies callin' 'emselves the Falcons. But the Chiefs, thas a real punk rock team. Nobody likes emselves a winna. There record is like they don' even care. Maybe they got one ov em girls wreckin' up the place. I know whut thas like. But I know how to fix them. Bloody whores."

Jim Morrison: "When I was four years old, I witnessed something so horrific, so nauseating, that I could not forget it for the rest of my days: a Chiefs road game. For all of history, the Chiefs have suffered unspeakably dark torments: a rash of smallpox from infected red rally towels in 1984; the theft of their land and dignity by the Raiders and Patriots; and their continual subjugation to The White Quarterback. Chiefs scattered on dawn's highway bleeding // Saints crowd the young lineman's fragile eggshell mind. This Sunday, injustice rules while Herm Edwards drools."

Related stories

• Stone-Cold NFL Peglocks of the Week: Unfunny Comedians Edition (Nov. 21, 2008)
• Pegasus News week in view: Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em edition (Nov. 13, 2008)

See more stories in:

• Football > NFL

Comments

James Scott Verified

lol...that pick is a little dark I would say.

11 months, 4 weeks ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

James Scott Verified

i should be more specific and say "picture" and it's caption.

11 months, 4 weeks ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )