Theater Review: A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant

by Mark Lowry

According to the Church of Scientology, an Engram is a mental picture that jogs an unpleasant memory. So if that recollection happens to be viewing – or performing in – unbearably cheery and embarrassingly ill-executed kids’ holiday programs, fear not. The short satirical musical A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant will not work as that particular Engram.

Instead, it will induce happy thoughts of the times, however few, you may have left a theater thinking you had just seen something unique, entertaining and wholly wonderful. That was the reaction to Circle Theatre’s heavenly production of this clever musical by Kyle Jarrow, based on a concept by Alex Timbers.

The idea behind Scientology Pageant is simple (that’s appropriate for children’s pageants): Tell the story of founder L. Ron Hubbard as if it were a holiday Christ story. Except that instead of a manger in Bethlehem, it’s a stable in Tilden, Nebraska; and this hero makes his biggest discoveries in Hawaii, New York City and China, as well as on a raft in the Pacific. And the ending is similar to J.C.’s story: Hubbard is tried (although he has star witnesses like John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and Tom Cruise) and lives on through his followers.

Make no mistake; this show pokes bigtime fun at its subject. However, it avoids the mean-spirited trappings that sometimes plague religious satire. Hubbard, whom the show paints as a man always asking questions, might ask “how?”

Jarrow’s solution was to comprise the cast of youths. This allows for (somewhat) earnest storytelling, and gives adults in the audience the teaspoon of winking humor they crave.

If, in director Jaime Castañeda’s staging, it occasionally looks a little rough and under-rehearsed, well, that’s the point. Who would believe an immaculately polished children’s pageant? Oddly, it lends credibility when an actor enters the stage still adding a costume piece, or pointedly reads an occasional line from a cue card. (Hey, there are a lot of big and/or bizarre words here for kids to memorize – “Dianetics,” “reactive mind,” “Xenu,” “Thetan,” “E-Meter,” “Sea Org,” “galactic”?)

To the credit of 27-year-old Castañeda (who served as an assistant director for the current Broadway revival of Speed-the-Plow), Circle’s eight-actor ensemble (ages 10-14) handles the hour-long show’s tasks – line memorization, deadpan delivery, innumerable costume changes and hilariously low budget-looking puppetry – with aplomb. They’re all adorable, but Tayia Anderson, Riley Morrison and Madeline Paddock stand out among the performers playing multiple roles. As Hubbard, Cayman Mitchell is to be commended for not only learning the bulk of the show’s lines, but performing them with leading-man authority.

Costumer Barbara C. Cox adds many clever touches, my favorite being the sheep in the “nativity scene,” covered with a wool-side-out human coat. Mark Evan Walker’s set is simple, with swirly chalk drawings on the floor and walls. Choreographer Elise Lavallee has riddled the show’s early numbers with all the clichés of children’s musical showcase – outspread arms, joined hands – which is perfect for this.

At the end, the kids revive the song “Hey, It’s a Happy Day.” But this time there are no uplifted arms or animated faces, as if they have been brainwashed by some unstoppable force (could it be … Thetan?). It’s a moment that is – like Hubbard’s description of “the gift of Scientology” – priceless.

A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant continues through December 20 and tickets can by purchased by calling 817-877-3040.

Mark Lowry is a Dallas-based freelance writer who covered the North Texas theater scene at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram for 10 years. Follow his Twitter feed at www.twitter.com/TweetTheater.

• Staff
• Verified User
• Anonymous