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Sunday, October 19, 2008 , Updated

Stone-Cold NFL Peglocks of the Week: Sideshow Freak Edition

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by Mike Bullock , Chris Curotolo , Todd Maternowski , Justin Smith

It's football season again, and that can only mean one thing: 100% accurate predictions by our sage staff of professional prognosticators. Our historical record cannot be denied: Pegasus News' panel of overpaid NFL experts --Justin Smith, Chris Curotolo, Mike Bullock and Todd Maternowski-- has proven time and time again that this publication is the only one you, the professional sports gambler, will ever need.

This season, we have invited a weekly panel of celebrity seers to join in spirited debate over the Game of the Week. The panel will change every week: this week features regular Pegnews contributors The Amazing Mental Midget (a close personal confidant of Mike B's), Porkess the Patriotic Pig (channeled through her life-partner Chris) and El Mystico, The Half-Human Eight Ball (who once foretold a man would be killed for snoring too loud). They will offer their expert commentary on the titanic Week 7 clash between the Dallas Cowboys and the St. Louis Rams.

Click on the pic to enlarge the jaw-droppingly spot-on picks

Click on the pic to enlarge the jaw-droppingly spot-on picks

The Amazing Mental Midget: "Step right up! Step right up! Ladies and Rams players, watch the skirts! Our sideshow experts might be slow, but they can pick games! First up we have Porkess: the Duchess of Ham, the infamous Bacon Baroness, who with her amazing Pig Latin can defy the odds and pick the winner!! Now Porkess, what do you think of the Cowboys and Rams?"

Porkess the Patriotic Pig: "SOOOOOEEEEEYYYYY!!"

The Amazing Mental Midget: "There you have it folks, straight from the Snout of Wisdom! Next up we have the Peerless Seer, the Half-Man, Half-Magic Eight Ball himself, ,El Mystico! Hear his words, and tremble in the face of his wisdom! El Mystico, which team has the titanic testicles to triumph in this titanic tussle?"

El Mystico: "ANSWER UNCLEAR, ASK AGAIN AT 3:15 PM SUNDAY CST"

The Amazing Mental Midget: "There you have it folks! That'll be two dollars!"


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bundles_addedSet of 7 scaling_background_x_repeat
content_objectnews.story
externals
externals.accuweatherTrue
externals.radiotimeTrue
externals.newsroomTrue
externals.satisfactionFalse
externals.omnitureTrue
externals.pegasusTrue
externals.google_analyticsTrue
externals.google_adsTrue
externals.quantcastTrue
first_bylinestaff.staffmember
gmaps_api_keyABQIAAAAIj0IQagPwLTE-M-cwppq3hToP_obvUnk1-QdEvh-QHyjsAgm6BSGKSUs_e3UKk_SOxELNBIKXyfjOQ
is_future_datedFalse
LANGUAGE_BIDIFalse
LANGUAGE_CODEen-us
LANGUAGESLong tuple-- 51 items -- e.g. LANGUAGES.0=>group of 2 items
logo_usernameJ&#8203;a&#8203;n&#8203;e&#8203; &#8203;D&#8203;o&#8203;e
logo_username_sizenormal
media_urlhttp://media.pegasusnews.com/
messagesEmpty List
now2009-11-26 21:34:39.306491
omniture_suitepegnewsprod
partner_mast<type 'NoneType'>: None
perms<class 'django.core.context_processors.PermWrapper'>: <django.core.context_processors.PermWrapper object at 0x3c8dd10>
requestrequest object
request_path/news/2008/oct/19/stone-cold-nfl-peglocks-week-carny-folk-edition/
sitesites.site
storynews.story
user<class 'django.contrib.auth.models.AnonymousUser'>: AnonymousUser
Quantcast