It's football season again, and that can only mean one thing: 100% accurate predictions by our sage staff of professional prognosticators. Our historical record cannot be denied: Pegasus News' panel of overpaid NFL experts --Justin Smith, Chris Curotolo, Mike Bullock and Todd Maternowski-- has proven time and time again that this publication is the only one you, the professional sports gambler, will ever need.
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This season, we have invited a weekly panel of celebrity seers to join in spirited debate over the Game of the Week. The panel will change every week: this week features regular Pegnews contributors Brak from Space Ghost (channeled through Mike B.), He-Man's Leechor, Evil Master of Power Suction (via his bowling buddy Todd), and MC PeePants from Aqua Teen Hunger Force (communicating via the tin foil lining in Justin's favorite LA Clippers hat). They will offer their expert commentary on the titanic Week 2 clash between the New York Football Giants and the St. Louis Rams.
Brak: "I like Rams because they're horny. I like Giants because they have ants in their name. Mix the two together and you get one angry ant pile. I like sunny days and on Sundays there is football, which takes me back to the giants and rams. Yummy, nachos and tacos. So the giant tacos beat the ram nachos in this Sunday's bowl of queso."
Leechor, Evil Master of Power Suction: "I wasn't always the Evil Master of Power Suction, you know. That's just this gig I do on the weekends now to make bail money. My real calling in life is two-fold: being the world's #1 Rams fan, and working hard to one day become the Supreme Master of Power Suckage. Fortunately, the two go hand-in-hand: in fact, other than a briefly disastrous period in 2001, the words RAMS and SUCK are virtually indistinguishable to anyone not trained in the Dark Arts of Blowmancy. Once the Rams complete their plan of ten straight years of 0-16 seasons --which by my calculations should occur sometime in the next ten years-- my eldritch rituals of Power Suckage will be unstoppable!! Take that Skeletor, you little bitch!! Muhahahahaha!!"
MC Pee Pants: "Listen up all y'all cause I'm about to break it down
The Geeman are coming and they're gonna make you look like a clown
There ain't no way little Eli can lose this game see what I mean
Gonna knock out Bulger and even stomp out Trent Green
Football is my life and I love my MC Pee to the Bee
When he snatches touchdowns makes my ladies sing in harmony
As the Rams go down gotta say it to all the boys and girls
Lets stop eating from all the Mickey D's serving it up to the world
You see ram meat is where its at, it tastes so delicious
We gotta stop eating chicken, beef, and and all those nasty fishes
I want lambs blood running all over my hands, feet, and chin
Cant you see all y'all this how we get it all to begin
I'm a crazy MC who wants to finally get to do his dance
Can't you see I'm insane and I'm tired of crapping in my pants
So to get Lord Satan back here on this plane
We all gotta kill all the rams and sheep and drink up their brains
Let the ladies sing it, man!"
