Eleven things I learned at the 2008 State Fair of Texas

by Mike Orren

FAIR PARK — I took a half-day off yesterday to take the missus to the State Fair. Even though it was my tenth year visiting the Fair, I still managed to make some new discoveries:

1. DART is running an awesome shuttle service every ten minutes from Pearl Station to the Fair. BUT -- and I can't stress this enough -- it is Saturday and Sunday only. If you fail, as we did, to glean that small detail, 5/7 of the time you will find yourself downtown, far from your car and wondering how to get to the fair. (Hint: Cabstands at hotels.)

2. Monday afternoon is the best time to go to the Fair. I've been in the midst of the big football games and the various school district days, as well as weekends and Fridays. I've never had such a great time as we did yesterday due to the lack of crowds. There were enough people that it didn't feel like a ghost town, but we never waited in a single line. Even better, the laid-back pace meant that the various vendors were amenable to being chatted up and we got some inside scoop along the way (keep reading). Even better than that, the less-than-brisk trade meant that the carnies were a little more willing to wheel and deal on the games and even a food vendor cut us a break on our way out with our otherwise useless last four tickets.

3. Chicken Fried Bacon is overrated. There. I said it. I know others disagree. But I found the underlying bacon to be tough and chewy, where I would have liked to have seen it crisp underneath the batter. Not terrible, but a disappointing squandering of potential.

4. Conversely, the Fried Grilled Cheese rawks. I can't say enough good things about this one. It's well-hidden inside Fernies, the longtime funnel cake haven that is set up like a small restaurant in the west end of The Embarcadero. (The Fair Map will lead you to believe it is a stand like the others.) The sandwich is, indeed fried, but not over-battered. It's served with a side of crunchy potato sticks and, in a really nice touch, a little dipping cup of tomato soup.

5. Choose your dog show carefully. We heard people coming out of the Top Flight Canine show marveling at the amazing performances, so we ducked into the next show, "Dancing With the Dogs," which was considerably less awesome. Great spirit and a couple of amazing performances, but there were also a high percentage of first-timers performing routines that even my ill-behaved pack of curs could pull off in one try.

6. Most kids suck at Rock Band. There's a Rock Band video game exhibit where you can get on stage and perform. The missus and I are bona-fide RB junkies and took the stage, shaming the tweens and even the exhibit manager who joined us.

7. The Killdares are back! Our favorite celtic rock band has been brought back, also courtesy of the Rock Band game, who has a stage for them to perform four shows daily near the game exhibit. We caught bits of two shows, and they seemed to be going over big both times. (On the second gig the more professional handlers from "Dancing With the Dogs" were shakin' their kilts and it made me think that perhaps the dog show should go with live music.) I know The Killdares love playing the Fair and made a big deal when they got bumped before. They play with amazing energy, given the environment, and are a welcome respite from most of the music at the Fair.

8. Six-ticket beer has spread a little further. Used to be the biggest secret of the Fair was six-ticket beer (including Shiner!) at the chili place in the Food Court. They still have it, but a couple of the other Food Court vendors have gotten in on that act. Otherwise, beer prices range from 8-12 tickets. Plan your drinking carefully-- these are frugal times.

7. Kitchen Craft owns the Fair. Maybe I just never noticed before, but everywhere I turned there was a Kitchen Craft cooking demo going on. And they sponsor the evening parade. By sponsor, I mean they have every single float except...

8. The Shriners rock. Old dudes in fezzes playing San Antonio Rose. 'Nuff said.

9. Fair Park is beautiful at night. Not a new revelation, but something we all too often forget. Fair Park is the most wasted national architectural and/or park-oriented treasure in Texas, if not the US. Great things happen there on select days, but that should be an everyday thing. I hope the new DART rail green line will help make that happen.

10. DART's online route planner tool sucks. Badly. Again, not a new revelation, but since I used it coming and going yesterday, I had a lot of experience with it. While I knew that Google Transit had a better implementation, I erroneously thought it wouldn't work on my iPhone. Our developers told me different this morning. Wish I'd known that yesterday because...

11. Don't ever try to follow a DART bus route that you're not sure you understand, especially at night and under the influence of six-ticket beers. We were trying to get from Fair Park to a light rail station to go back to our office at Walnut Hill and Central. We wound up at Bruton and N. Prairie Creek by the time we realized the bus wasn't heading back downtown. The driver put us out and we again called a cab, hence eliminating all cost and time savings intended by taking public transit.

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