Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Introducing Mr. Stephane Robidas

by Todd Maternowski

This week, our hockey scribe has mixed feelings regarding the legitimacy of the All-Star game.

Top of the morning, hockey fans! Last week, we dissected the Detroit Red Wings, giving every team in the NHL a failproof blueprint on how to defeat the defending champions --and I'm happy to report that since then, the Wings have given up twelve goals in their last two games, and lost sick-goal-generator Datsyuk for an unknown amount of time. Huzzah! Stars: if the Phoenix Coyotes were smart enough to listen to my spot-on analysis, there's no excuse for you not to heed my sage advice! More on that later.

This week, I was planning on writing my tri-annual Great Moments in All-Star Game History column --(1993: Pavel Bure scores his fourth empty-net goal of the first period in a 87-76 nailbiter)-- but in light of recent news, opted to go in a totally different direction. The question that always comes up in fans' minds during the All-Star break is a timeless one: why is this stupid thing even on?

It's true: every sport wastes their fans' love on these back-slap-happy sunshinefests --although major league baseball gets a break, since the complete lack of physicality means the players actually try to win these things for their league-- but in all other possible ways the game is a joke. Which is why it's especially funny when fans complain about who got in and who didn't: there are a half-dozen reality shows on Bravo that are more relevant than the All-Star game. Which leads to this week's vaguely-hockey-related list:

Things More Relevant Than the NHL All-Star Game:

Twelve-sided dice

Keanu Reeves

The human coccyx

Rafael Palmeiro

East Germany

George Lucas

Foodies....no, wait, scratch that

Trickle-down Economics

Male Nipples

The Tanooki Suit in Super Mario 3

Jar-Jar Binks

Belgium

There is, however, one reason to watch this year's Hockey-Flavored Popularity Pageant: the strange and surprising inclusion of Stars defenseman Stephane Robidas in the Western Conference's lineup. Stars fans have known for years just what a diamond-in-the-rough Robidas is: a guy who will take a half-dozen spine-crunching bodychecks per game to get the puck to his teammates; a guy who pulls through with big goals in big games (or at least Big Assists); a small guy who plays huge; a player who leads by example on the ice. In all, Robidas has taken a relatively small amount of god-given talent and size and willed himself into the mensch fans love and opposing forwards hate to play against.

This is why his selection to the All-Star game makes no sense. Where are the Sportscenter highlight-reel spin--o-rama goals? The concussion-inducing open-ice shouldering penalties? The deke-out-of-the-skates puck-handling abilities?

You know: all the crap that has zero impact on the actual game? In All-Star games in the past, players like Sandish Ozolinsh would be chosen to represent the Conference over actual hockey players like Robidas. Which makes this year's Game all the more interesting: will we finally get to see a defender finish his check? Work for the puck in the corner? Stand up Crosby at the blue line?

A man can dream, can't he?

The rest of the Stars should enjoy their days off while they can, because with all those games-in-hand on the teams above them in the standings --and a finite amount of time left in the 2008-09 season-- it's only logical to assume that from here on out the Stars will play more games than just about anybody else in the league (except Ottawa, the Disappointing Stars Team of the East). Hopefully this schedule will allow the Stars to get into some sort of winning, Billy Ocean-esque rhythm, and they can rightfully claim the #7 or #8 spot in the West as their birthright.

Tune in next week when we pick apart the bloated corpse of the Tampa Bay Lightning, and entertain trade offers no man should take seriously (Niskanen and Brunnstrom for Stamkos? Richards and Turco for St. Louis and Smith?).