Music Interview: Ken Turetzky

by Erin Rice

Curious what kinds of answers you'll get when you send out hundreds of interviews to local musicians? We've distributed the following questionnaire to local artists and bands in Dallas-Fort Worth to learn more about them, the music scene, and basically to see what kinds of answers we'll get to the most mundane and/or strange questions. First at bat, local comedy musician, Ken Turetzky.

Basic Questions…

Band Name: Ken Turetzky

Year Formed: 2001

Genre: Folk/blues/Guitar comedy

How’d you/your band get started?

I used to write funny songs and play them to amuse my friends. For a while, all I had was “A Boy Named Jew,“ (a parody of obvious origin) and “The Ballad Of Morris The Cat,” which was pretty much a knockoff of “Big Bad John.” Then the meaning of life became apparent to me – that is, of course, to suffer – and I sat down at my parents’ kitchen table and began writing bitter love songs.

If you had to describe your music/sound in a single sentence to someone who had never heard of you, what would you say?

I play bad-attitude, folk- and blues-based acoustic comedy.

Have you recorded any albums? What are they? Do you have anything coming out soon or are you currently in the studio?

I completed my five-song EP, Look What I Made!, (produced by Lee Fortune) in 2003. In 2007, Oglio Records included my song “Her Shit Don’t Stink” on The Best Of The Red Peters Comedy Music Hour, Volume 1. A recently royalty statement showed that I owed money to the record company. I continue to release single tracks in a haphazard and undisciplined manner.

What inspires you to make music?

Like the Monkees, I have something to say. I just wish people would listen.

Where did you play your first show?

In July 2001, my brother-in-law, John Estridge, dragged me out to the Wednesday open mic at The Fourth Quarter bar on Wabash Avenue in Terre Haute, Indiana. We went on about midnight. John put down his bass after we finished the two songs we’d rehearsed, and I played solo for another 45 minutes. Afterward, the crowd gathered around and asked me if I had an album coming out and said stuff like, “We never hear original music in Terre Haute!” Unfortunately, I thought this was going to happen every time I played. I’ve since learned otherwise.

When/where is your next show?

I’ll be playing the 4 p.m. set at the Duct Tape Ball, benefiting members of the 302nd MP Company based in Mosul, Iraq, on Sunday, March 15, at the Sons of Hermann Hall.

Having to do with Dallas/Fort Worth…

Which of the following successful Dallas bands do you relate to the most? Stevie Ray Vaughan, Pantera, Lisa Loeb, Deep Blue Something

Stevie. I’ve enjoyed the personal stories of several Oak Cliff music pals who crossed paths with SRV. You’ll have to ask Mike Rhyner about the time he told Stevie he was too young to join Mike’s band. But you’ve probably already heard that one 100 times. Mike’s a big liar.

What are your favorite local bands to play with?

I enjoy playing harmonica with (Lee) Fortune and the Tellers, especially when Terry McIntyre’s on drums. Terry’s a creative and enthusiastic percussionist. Lee plays the same three chords, over and over.

What's your favorite place to play, and why?

I suppose it’s the Winedale Tavern, because we spend as much time talking shit with the customers as we do performing. It’s all part of a night at Dallas’s finest dive bar.

What are Dallas/Fort Worth's strengths as a place to start a band?

Because of Texas’s great music tradition, Dallas has many fine acoustic players. And we have plenty of venues, so any band can get a gig here just by asking.

What are its weaknesses?

Dallas lacks venues that showcase alternative, original music, or any alternative forms of art or entertainment, for that matter. It’s just not a town for alternative, original anything.

What's the hardest thing about being a band in Dallas/Fort Worth?

I just answered that question!

What cities other than the DFW metro do you like to play?

I don’t know. Denton? I really like Terre Haute. Damn, I wish I’d played more places so I could compare them to Dallas!

Do you have any songs that make reference to your hometown?

Do you mean Dallas? The answer is, “No.” Although I’ve got a song that mentions Terre Haute.

Do all your exes live in Texas?

Most of them have moved as far away from me as they can get. That’s a joke. Nobody will date me. I like to think it’s because I’m broke, but it’s probably because I’m an asshole.

And a little more random…

What is your fondest music-related memory?

My mother, singing the timeless, “Hushabye.” (I considered a different response, something ironic or sarcastic, but decided to go with the cheap sentiment.)

What's the worst show you've ever played?

Worst show? They’re all bad! I played Mayfest 2008 in Fort Worth and halfway through my set, the whole crowd ran off to the pig races on the other side of the fairgrounds. I hollered at them, “I’m not finished entertaining you yet!” but they didn’t come back.

What song of yours would be good for a movie soundtrack? And which movie?

“Her Shit Don’t Stink” is the song. The movie is “Love Story.”

If you weren’t making music, what would you be doing with your time?

I’d be slogging away as a journalist, waiting for my newspaper to die.

What band/song, besides your own, is getting the most play on your iPod lately? If you don’t have an iPod or iTunes, then whatever tape is ensnarled in your 80s era boombox.

Man, I hardly ever listen to music. I mostly listen to Howard 100 and Sirius Left. But my favorite song at this time is “Hi, Folks, I’m Elvis, And I’m Still Dead” by the Volume Brothers. Look them up.

If you could go back in time (or forward, or both), what concert lineup would you want to include yourself/your band in?

I’ll go backward in time and pick up Allan Sherman and Tom Lehrer, then go forward in time to, say, a year from now, as I need to rehearse. We’ll start with a mini-tour of the the cool rooms, hitting The Hungry I, Bitter End, Village Gate, places like that. Bill Cosby can have a set, too, even though he’s not Jewish. He’ll address everybody as “Jack.”

We’ll finish up with one big night at Carnegie Hall. My new friends get on stage and do their thing. They’re pros, but they’re having a blast, also. I don’t have to be “on” with them; they know what I do and they respect it. By this time, Bob Newhart has come aboard. And Jackie Vernon. He shows slides from his vacation. The Smothers Brothers get to play one song and then they’re out of there. I’ve got about a million miles on the time machine at this point. That’s OK; it’s a rental.

After those guys have warmed up the crowd, I come out and play a few songs, tell some funny stories, and everybody goes nuts. I’m filthy as hell but the profanity is essential to the performance. The people love my Jerry Lewis impression. I mean, they love it. I spot my parents in the audience and I can see they finally understand. They don’t have to worry about me any more. And my Dad is hip to the jokes, which is cool.

But after a while, the union says we have to get out of there or pay triple overtime, so the show’s over. Everyone goes home happy. Then a couple of days pass, and boy, what a letdown. I mean, what’s left after that? Booze, drugs, broads, the wife leaves, the studio cancels my movie deal.

But for history’s sake, we’ll have this comedy album, on vinyl, Live at Carnegie Hall! from Warner Brothers, with a sleeve advertising LPs by Mrs. Miller and Johnny Mathis, the Fifth Dimension, Leonard Nimoy, stuff like that. And you know what? The kids still listen to our record. In fact, it’s a double album. It sells for $10.99 at Bamberger’s.

I haven’t worked out all the details, but I’ll keep you posted. The most unlikely part of the whole story is that anybody actually gets my jokes.

If your band starred in a cartoon, (i.e. Jem and Holograms, The Impossibles, Dethklok/Metalocalypse, etc.) what would your/your band members’ secret powers be? Who would your arch-enemy be?

What gives you the idea that all cartoons are about superheroes? I’d be in American Splendor, and my secret powers would be sarcasm, envy and distrust. Except, American Splendor is a comic book, not a cartoon. My arch enemy would be a blonde PR agent.

And then some...

My songs have been pretty popular on the Sirius XM comedy channels, the Dr. Demento Show, on Internet radio and all over the Web via the Podsafe Music Network. Although none of those people will answer my e-mails now.

My contribution to the One Minute How-To podcast, entitled “How To Write A Funny Song,” has attracted more than 10,000 downloads.

Please follow my adventures in the comedy music biz and listen to my songs at turetzkysyndrome.com. I work really hard on that blog!

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