Most print publications have experts picking NFL games every week. Pegasus News, however, is different, in that we have near-flawless methodology in picking teams that will actually win. Our panel of perfect prognosticators -- Todd Maternowski and Mike Bullock -- will bring the pain each and every week.
Look closely at this graphic and remember, kids: Don't drink and draw.
As an added bonus, we have included three competing methodologies. The first is the return of "Mascot War," in which we discuss which team's actual moniker would win in a pitched battle to the death in the wild. Besides being easily the most controversial aspect of this feature, it will probably also be a constant source of embarrassment as our picks routinely show up.
The second and third methodologies are perhaps equally arcane and mysterious to the average NFL fan. There is the "Occult Pick," in which our experts use the forbidden art of divination to predict each week's winner; and "Fashion War," in which Todd's wife selects each victor based on the relative superiority of each team's uniforms.
Most of these picks need no explanation: However, our panel has provided some commentary (footnotes and indexing to follow) for certain especially difficult-to-pick games.
Todd M: Bill versus Dolphin -- Ah, the classic battle of Old West vs. Small Whale, Blowhard over Blowhole, Opposable Thumbs versus Underwater Breathing. Who here among us has not secretly been waiting for this pitched battle to the death all our lives? Who here has not vividly imagined Wild Bill Cody plugging marine mammals with his black powder rifle from a half mile away? But -- lest we forget -- the Dolphin is at Home this week, meaning that Bill's primary weapon of choice is useless in the briny deep. And with the Dolphin's incredible intelligence and Winchester-detecting sonar, the hapless Bill will soon find a chorus of clicks and whistles signaling the precise location of his watery grave. Dolphin over Bill.
