Most print publications have experts picking NFL games every week. Pegasus News, however, is different, in that we have near-flawless methodology in picking teams that will actually win. Our panel of perfect prognosticators -- Todd Maternowski and Mike Bullock -- will bring the pain each and every week.
As an added bonus, we have included three competing methodologies. The first is the return of "Mascot War," in which we discuss which team's actual moniker would win in a pitched battle to the death in the wild. Besides being easily the most controversial aspect of this feature, it will probably also be a constant source of embarrassment as our picks routinely show up.
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The second and third methodologies are perhaps equally arcane and mysterious to the average NFL fan. There is the "Occult Pick," in which our experts use the forbidden art of divination to predict each week's winner; and "Fashion War," in which Todd's wife selects each victor based on the relative superiority of each team's uniforms.
Most of these picks need no explanation: However, our panel has provided some commentary (footnotes and indexing to follow) for certain especially difficult-to-pick games.
Todd M: Falcon versus 49er -- At first glance, this pitched battle to the death may seem to be woefully one-sided. The 49er, with his access to advanced hi-tech weaponry like picks and lanterns, should easily be able to overcome the Falcon's sharp talons and tiny-but-potentially-annoying beak. But if we assume the Falcon learns from his cousin, the common canary -- he can tie in his inevitable demise with that of the 49er. Mutually assured destruction fills the 49ers' gas-choked cave as he throttles the Falcon's grinning corpse and uses his own last breath to curse the foul fowl. However, in a pitched battle to the death the first one across the finish line loses, therefore; 49er over Falcon.
