Grapevine pastor debates with owner of a cheating website on national television

by Sarah Blaskovich

GRAPEVINE — It was news television at its finest: Throw four unlikely people in the same room in front of a large audience. Then stir the pot by bringing up the topic of adultery. And go.

The debate was moderated by ABC Nightline's Cynthia McFadden, the first in a ten-part series about the Ten Commandments. Sitting just a few feet in front of a crimson-colored king-sized bed displayed on the stage – partly for dramatic effect, and partly to make a point later – McFadden and her four guests at Fellowship Church in Grapevine talk sex.

Funny thing is, all four immediately agreed that adultery is wrong. So there goes that debate. But what ensued instead was a largely religious discussion about what it means to be adulterous and how the word can be twisted for the positive. One speaker – to the gasps of the largely evangelical crowd – believes that cheating on your spouse when you're in an unhappy relationship can make your marriage stronger.

So let's meet the players. Enter Pastor Ed Young, who had “home court advantage” by hosting the debate at his mega-church in Grapevine. Much of the crowd – 2,000 people, according to McFadden – embodied the oh-so-Dallas notion that many in town are evangelical Christians. And the stereotype didn't disappoint: A majority of the audience audibly proved that they thought adultery is wrong in every situation, and that Young is right in, well, every situation.

Young was joined on “his side” by Jonathan Daugherty, a recovering sex addict who ascribes to much of the same Christian principles that Young does.

Facing off against those two was Jenny Block, who has a husband and kids but is in an open relationship with a woman. She's the author of Open and a firm believer that adultery is wrong. Though she's technically sleeping with her husband and her girlfriend, Block says that's not called adultery -- it's called honesty. Sitting beside Block was perhaps the most controversial character of them all, Noel Biderman. He's the founder of ashleymadison.com, a website where people in relationships go to find other partners. You may have heard his catchphrase debated on Oprah, “Life is short. Have an affair.”

It was time to talk about sex. “God is pro-sex,” Young told the audience. “But great sex should happen within the confines of marriage. It's time for the church to bring the bed back in,” he said, gesturing to the king-sized bed behind him. In the past, Young has suggested that his married churchgoers have sex every day for seven days to learn and appreciate the gift he says God has given them.

He was countered by Biderman, who says the “archaic” institution of the heterosexual, monogamous marriage can't last. “If you use the Ten Commandments as your central thesis, you begin from failure,” Biderman says. His website encourages people to find extramarital partners, which he says isn't wrong. (Block then chimes in: “There's no 'thou shalt not help other people cheat,' is there?” she asks. Immediately afterward, the gentlemen behind me muttered “pagan,” under his breath, supposedly aimed in Block's direction.)

Biderman admits that adultery is wrong. He is happily married, he says, and would be “devastated” if his wife was surfing on the very website he created. “But people don't have affairs because of my website. Infidelity can save your marriage. Look at this gentleman right here,” Biderman says, gesturing to Daugherty, the reformed sex addict. Daugherty had earlier explained that after spending two years using the Internet to have anonymous sex with women (while the whole time being married) he and his wife faced his addiction and have since been faithful and happy.

But why encourage adultery, Young asks. He tells Biderman he's destroying the institution of marriage by giving people a community and a forum to act out their sinful, lustful desires. “Adultery has its kicks,” Young explains, “but it has wicked, Chuck Norris-like kickbacks.”

The debate rages on: It's better to have an affair than to get divorced, Biderman states simply. Why start ashleymadison.com? “Because I'm in the business of making money,” he says. (Boy, did that get the crowd riled up. And there was plenty of time for audience members to scoff at Biderman and Block's remarks in and around “TV timeouts,” where McFadden fixed mikes, re-situated, or re-channeled the discussion toward more interesting topics.)

It became clear that despite the notion that adultery is bad, there was no middle ground to be found. And a cute touch: Block mentioned that despite their difference, they would all be welcome at her dinner table. They all politely agreed, but I'd be surprised if that ever happened.

Young, a charming and funny speaker, threw in another lighthearted topic, again gaining audience adoration: “I found a study … that evangelical women are the most sexually satisfied,” he said matter-of-factly. He pauses. “They also have the most orgasms!” McFadden scoffed but Young pressed on, gesturing out into his adoring audience. “I'm telling you, look at the smiles on their faces!”

The show will air on ABC Nightline on Thursday, Sept. 24, 2009. We'll be tuning in to see how much of the two-hour debate will be presented on primetime television.

The discussion raises the question: Who's right?

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