The last 2010 forecast for the Dallas-Fort Worth area

These predictions are guaranteed to come true ... unless they don't.

We're only a month into 2010 and I can already tell you what's going to happen the rest of the year. "Bob," you might ask, "how are you able to tell the future? Is it because you have a psychic gift like Dionne Warwick?"

Internets, sadly I do not have the psychic gift. I have, however, lived in the Dallas-Fort Worth area for more than half a century. This of course qualifies me to tell you what's going to happen. It isn't hard. All you've got to do is pay attention. And Boomers, I've been paying attention.

This Stuff Will All Happen in Dallas/Ft. Worth in 2010

Sports

The Arlington Cowboys will scrap their plans to find a new kicker. Instead, Jerry Jones will create a new reality show, So You Think You Can Kick. Big Jerr will pocket another $100 million from copyrighting his new catch-phrase, "Clean Out Your Locker!"

Television

The KXAS 10 p.m. news ratings will continue to slide thanks to their new 9 p.m. lead in: So You Think You Can Kick.

Restaurants

No one will be able to explain Pollo Campero, or why it exists as a food franchise. We will continue to mourn the passing of Alvin Ord's near the intersection of Webb Chapel and LBJ. Fort Worth will still have better barbecue and Tex Mex than Dallas. Sorry, I'm just a conduit for the spirits.

Grocery stores

Central Market and Market Street will merge under the name of Central Market Street. This is really good news, because they'll stock 34 different types of organic apples and we still won't understand a single thing about them, or their countries of origin.

Shopping malls

Southlake Town Center will grow large enough for Dallas to annex it. Mayor Tom Leppert will call it Northwest Dallas and ask DART to extend service to the area sometime in 2040. Not to be outdone, the North Texas Tollway Authority will announce plans to serve Southlake by 2039.

State Fair

The fried food winner for 2010 will be a tie between the chicken fried pimento cheese sandwich and deep fried cotton candy. Pepto-Bismol will continue its sponsorship of the cook off.

Business

Girl Scout cookies will be sold year round by anxious parents just trying to make ends meet. Responding to the phrase, "Mister, would you like a Daisy Go Round?" will no longer mean a quick trip to the Lew Sterrett Justice Center.

Politics

Rick Perry will win the governor's race and be anointed "Governor for Life" by the state legislature. When asked about term limits at his election party, he'll reply, "Term limits? We don't need no stinking term limits!" John Huston will then leap from his grave and muss up the governor's hair.

That's all I was able to hear before my connection to the spirit world went dark. Guess I'll be switching from Comcast to DirecTVafter all.