Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The X List: 13 fun facts about Muammar Gaddafi
Part 478 of our "Better Know a Dictator for Life" series.
With a fresh new set of U.S. airstrikes against Libya, the time has come for Americans to become re-acquainted with the man Human Garbage Magazine voted into its "Top 50 Superhunks" issue 40 years running. Here are some Fun Facts for you to distribute to the infidel-sponsored educational establishment of your choice.
Fun Fact #1: Gaddafi once threw out the ceremonial first pitch at an Angels game, but refused to come off the mound and ended up allowing one hit and a pair of walks over 8 2/3 innings, until he was relieved by Canadian Minister of Agriculture Ralph Ferguson.
Fun Fact #2: Owns the world's first and only all-CGI air force.
Fun Fact #3: Funded his own multi-million dollar Transformers sequel in which he played Starscream using a costume he made himself.
Fun Fact #4: While he wasn't the first Middle Eastern dictator to boast of having sexed every single member of the Detroit Red Wings, he was the first to post the videos on Youtube.
Fun Fact #5: Was the guy who convinced Tolkien to call them "Orcs" instead of "Fluppies."
Fun Fact #6: Once challenged the Burger King to single combat.
Fun Fact #7: Had a room in his royal palace dedicated to nothing but erotic pinatas of Ronald Reagan, which was #1 on the list of military targets of the 1986 U.S. airstrikes.
Fun Fact #8: Built a fully-operational White Castle franchise in his master bathroom, staffed entirely by former Disney child stars.
Fun Fact #9: Has a framed copy of Time's 2008 "Marry, F*ck, Kill" feature in which he was unanimously selected as "Marry" over Jerry Jones and Mother Teresa.
Fun Fact #10: Wears his hair in a perm at all times in case a party spontaneously breaks out, 'cause they ain't no party like a Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya party 'cause a Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya party don't stop.
Fun Fact #11: After intercepting a care package intended for Sudanese refugees, became so addicted to Hostess Apple Fruit Pies that he renamed Black History Month to Whole Wheat Crust Month in their honor.
Fun Fact #12: Visited Dallas in 1979, and, standing on the exact spot of JFK's assassination he reportedly raised his fists to the heavens and shouted at the CIA to "bring it," causing an Illuminati sharpshooter on a nearby rooftop to spill coffee on his crossbow.
Fun Fact #13: Enjoys long walks on the biggest beach on the face of the planet earth.