Dallas-Fort Worth is nation’s worst best city for hipsters

We like SPORTS, of all things.

Photo not provided hipsters, unless the folks who make these comics are hipsters. They might be.

For Halloween last year, I was a hipster. When people asked what I was, I shrugged, rolled my eyes behind my giant plastic glasses, and told them they'd probably never heard of my costume. Born and raised in Dallas, I wouldn't make a good hipster on any other day than Halloween anyway -- at least according to a reader poll in Travel + Leisure magazine first spotted by the Observer.

In the list of 35 "best cities for hipsters," Dallas is No. 35. You can look at this two ways:

1. We are the No. 1 worst hipster city in America.

2. We made the list! Must've been those new food trucks that put us over the edge. Know who didn't make the list? Hershey, Pennsylvania. Buffalo, New York. Lexington, Kentucky. Win.

The survey looked at "culturally-relevant features" like coffee bars, boutiques, live music, microbrews, and tech savviness. The magazine defines hipster this way: "... You generally know hipsters when you see them — most likely in funky, up-and-coming neighborhoods. A smirking attitude toward mainstream institutions means they tend to frequent cool, often idiosyncratic restaurants, shops, and bars — the same kinds of venues that appeal to travelers looking for what they can’t find at home." I lightly ribbed Oak Cliff for being hipster back when the word still actually carried meaning.

Austin City Limits: Herding hipsters into a park since 2002.

The No. 1 hipster city in America is Seattle, which would make No. 2 Portland green with envy, except it's so not cool to be the tippy-top, No. 1 anything. No. 2 is more understated. More memorable.

The first Texas city on the list is no surprise: Austin at No. 7. Those "offbeat types," as cited in the article, must've put them there.

Dallas' spot on the list comes far after the totally-non-hip Kansas City, Missouri at No. 20 -- lovable in its own right, but not hipster. Ditto on Houston, No. 26, minus the "lovable" part. San Antonio ranks No. 30, a few paces from big-haired, professional Dallas-Fort Worth at No. 35.

"Yeah, I'm really into the Dallas Stars now. They're an ice team. You've probably never heard of them."

The characterization of DFW is painful: "In the race to become a hipster haven, there may be no greater fault than seeming tragically mainstream. That may explain the Dallas/Fort Worth area’s last-place showing, mirrored by its losing position in the offbeat category. Trendy locals tend to congregate along Uptown’s McKinney Avenue, in Dallas, but they aren’t too hip to root for their hometown teams: Dallas-Ft. Worth ranked in the top 10 for its sports enthusiasts."

Sports. Nobody here likes sports, do they?