Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Pizza Hut releases pizza-flavored perfume
Because nothing says sexy like the smell of cheese and grease.
PLANO “Ha, they should make perfume that smells like steak to attract dudes,” you might have heard at least one wannabe jokester say. “And they should make cologne that smells like chocolate. Get it? Because that’s what girls like!”
Some things should remain in the realm of pointless speculation.
Plano-based Pizza Hut’s Canada branch has announced a super-limited run of Pizza Hut scented perfume, which sounds like one of the most terrible of womanly smells.
Don’t get me wrong. I like the smell of pizza. But it’s a smell that attracts me to a source of food, not a smell I necessarily want to find my mate using as a pheromone. And I’m thankful that, until now, such smells are kept separate.
Thankfully, the executives at Pizza Hut have completely lost their minds. Not yet, anyway. This whole perfume thing started as a joke on the company’s Facebook page. “What began as a fun Facebook post – with Pizza Hut asking fans just how much they loved the smell of a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened – has materialized into Pizza Hut becoming the latest celebrity to launch its own perfume,” the press release says. The very limited number of bottles that have been made have already been given away and will not be found in your nearest Victoria’s Secret.
I can get behind a few bottles of dumb perfume produced as a joke.
I think we all need to hope that it doesn’t go further, though. “For now, we’ve only produced 110 bottles of Eau de Pizza Hut, but who knows what the future has in store,” says Beverley D’Cruz, Pizza Hut Canada’s marketing and product development director.
No, Beverley. The future is in your hands. Don’t do this awful thing. You will bring about a cheese-related apocalypse. This will be why Quetzalcoatl comes to devour the Earth on December 21.