Whataburger new spicy ketchup not all that spicy

Making a whole big deal about a very little thing.

In news that is rivaled only by the question of whether the fries at In-N-Out suck, Whataburger has introduced "Spicy Ketchup" -- available for a limited time, so that you might feel pressure to run out and try it, and we might feel pressure to document its existence.

While this story shows that we got suckered into the latter, hopefully it will also prevent you from wasting your time with the former. We're talking here about a condiment at a fast-food place.

What they say

According to the release, the new Spicy Ketchup consists of their regular Ketchup doctored up with red jalapeno puree. "Served in Whataburger's convenient-for-dipping one-ounce tub, Spicy Ketchup is great on French fries, onion rings and hash browns, and can be substituted on any Whataburger or sandwich at no additional charge."

They don't charge for substitutions -- but you may not be able to just get it for free. Not that you should be entitled to get things for free. But if you want to get just the Ketchup -- say, for example, you're writing a detestable story about the stuff -- you may get charged. For two regular Ketchups and two Spicy, I paid $1.52.

The release also says that the ketchup was "produced in a limited batch" ... "to be served at all 730 locations across 10 states." Does anyone see a contradiction there? "Limited batch" sounds small, artisanal, some lady stirring it up in a pot. But "served at all 730 locations across 10 states" sounds awfully big.

Supposedly, Whataburger ketchup has some kind of following. Their marketing director says that "hundreds of cases" have been shipped to troops overseas, and the condiment has Facebook pages purportedly created by fans. One sure hopes that's just marketing fluff; we hope people are focused on more important things than a throwaway of perfectly ordinary ketchup.

The precedents

Sriracha sauce
Tabasco sauce
Heinz Hot & Spicy Ketchup with Tabasco
McIlhenny Farms Spicy Ketchup, sold at Sunflower Markets and other grocery stores
Goodfriend Beer Garden and Burger House's sriracha ketchup
Twisted Root's chipotle ketchup
the Jalaketchupeño that Church's Chicken did a couple of years ago
Heinz ketchup into which you stir a teaspoon of Tabasco. PLEASE!

Making a stupidly big deal out of ketchup

Spicy ketchup at center, regular at right

Ketchup's biggest dumb moment in history was when President Ronald Reagan tried to decree that it should be viewed as a vegetable.

There is also the grading chart from the USDA that defines "fancy" ketchup -- the kind that Whataburger boasts about having (which is pretty much the kind that everyone has), based on its primary ingredient, tomato paste.

"Fancy" or Grade A tomato paste has "a good flavor and odor, a good color, and is practically free from defects." Contrast that to the lower grade of tomato paste, which has "at least a fairly good flavor and odor." Not a lot of contrast.

Verdict

First, the ingredients of Whataburger Spicy Ketchup: "water, tomato paste, corn syrup, distilled vinegar, sugar, red jalapeno pepper puree, salt, acetic acid, potassium sorbate (preservative), onion powder, garlic powder, natural flavor."

How it tastes: not particularly hot or spicy; has a mild kick; seems like it would be better on something like eggs rather than for fries.

Packaging: It also comes in an individual plastic container which is slightly more environmentally-unfriendly than the old-school plastic/foil packet.

The ketchup was officially released at 3 p.m. on Tuesday and the release coyly doesn't divulge how long "limited time" is; but an employee said it'll probably be around until the end of January.