Tuesday, June 12, 2012
The X List: 10 reasons to root for the Miami Heat in this year’s NBA Finals
Heat and Thunder are natural enemies in the wild.
It's that time of year again, when whichever team LeBron James is currently on finally makes it to the NBA Finals, only to get swept by a team with actual basketball players. While the Oklahoma Thunder may be the more likeable team at first glance on account of them not being totally evil, things are rarely what they seem in the NBA. Here are 10 reasons to cheer on the Heat in this year's Finals.
Reason #1: All the negativity has a profound effect on LeBron's feelings, and it's mean to hurt other people and make them feel bad.
Reason #2: A Heat championship will make the Dolphins' inevitable 1-15 season even less noticeable.
Reason #3: Miami has been a hotbed of glitz and glamour since the 1940s: Oklahoma's idea of glitz is when a toothless stripper in her 40s spills glitter on your BK Knights as she's telling you about her three kids.
Reason #4: Kevin Durant told me you guys look like jerks.
Reason #5: You'll never hear about this from the NHL-controlled sports media, but D-Wade has quietly been an inspirational survivor of the dreaded, oft-misunderstood vaginus hurtus disease ... and the only known cure is unearned free throws.
Reason #6: If LeBron doesn't win a title sometime soon, all those MVP trophies will seem cheap and empty.
Reason #7: Sure, the Big Three might deserve a little of your scorn here and there, but what have Ronny Turiaf and Dexter Pittman ever done to you?
Reason #8: The Thunder have blown through the Mavs, Lakers and Spurs -- the biggest superpowers in the West -- with relative ease, while the Heat have struggled against perennial sad-sack losers like the Knicks, Pacers, and some senior league team from Boston. This makes the Heat the clear underdog in the series, and wouldn't you rather root for the scrappy longshot? No? What the hell is wrong with you?
Reason #9: LeBron and Dwyane Wade are both very talented basketball players with exceptional pedigrees who deserve your respect and only missed all those crucial fourth-quarter shots last season because the Bermuda Triangleancientastronautsilluminatisomethingsomething.
Reason #10: If the Heat win, ESPN has promised to dedicate 45 minutes of every Sportscenter to showing the Heat's lavish celebration parties on massive yachts full of siliconed-up bimbos. If the Thunder win, their celebration party will be from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. in Conference Room B at the rec center, provided Westbrook doesn't forget to bring his uncle's folding table this time.