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Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Restaurant review part deux: Ketchup Burger Bar in Dallas
A debacle of frowns.
Photo by Ashli Michelle
Butternut squash couscous burger at Ketchup Burger Bar
Don’t think for one second that anyone around here is being a hater. This is just as sad for me as it is for other humans. Almost 463 people in Dallas probably can’t live without Ketchup Burger Bar. Four hundred sixty three apologies immediately go out to all enduring emotional trauma as a result of this review.
A sign outside professes that Dallas Morning News has named Ketchup Burger Bar one of the top 10 burger joints in Dallas. Congratulations. Really. Let's all raise the roof. Holler! On a side note, um, this award was obviously given before the butternut squash couscous burger was added to the menu.
If the Dallas Morning News considers the butternut squash couscous burger responsible for helping place this joint on their almighty list, then I will sit down and eat a real carcass burger with six slices of bacon. This is how confident I am that the Dallas Morning News is not including this disastrous dish.
Belting out this tragic story begins now. After biting into the butternut squash couscous burger, I sadly performed a full swallow. Suddenly, a mini quick gag commenced, resulting in vomit shooting up my throat and into my mouth.
On a scale of throwing up in your mouth just a little, this couscous burger barf scores a 4 out of a possible 5 barf mark. Pain. This is the worst bite of anything ever taken in my life. This dramatic statement would include carcass of all kinds.
Photo by Ashli Michelle
Inside look at butternut squash couscous burger at Ketchup Burger Bar
To be totally honest, I’d rather be stuffed in a trough with 22 pigs for six days than ever eat the butternut squash couscous burger again. Dreadfully awful. Someone should be placed in prison for sharing such scariness.
Ketchup Burger Bar’s bartender is grumpy. So grumpy is this bartender, I was apprehensive about asking to have broiled fish on the fish taco instead of fried. After working up the courage to question, her bark translated into an aggravated no, snapping, "There’s no way to broil tilapia without it falling completely apart!" Alrighty then.
As they played with their iPhones, servers found a resting spot by the entrance to the bar. This bartender didn’t skip a beat before barking, "I have already told you all many times to stay out of here!" Frowners everywhere. I witnessed a frowning bonanza extravaganza at Ketchup Burger Bar. Wuh freaking wah.
All possibilities of anyone reaching a rainbow ended when the manager all but did a stampede around the corner announcing, “The girl in the first booth skipped out on her check!!” Nothing could stop the bartender from cantering to catch this one-top-burger-burglar. That’s right. She soon returned sporting a massive frown wrinkle. Her failed attempt to apprehend the thief was not the peachiest way to end her day.
This is a full blown wouch in every way. If food makes a person barf in their mouth, just a little, um, no way. Things would perk up if at least one service industry worker would smile. It was a debacle of frowns that forced the best part of this experience to be leaving.
Pegasus News Content partner - Almost Veggie
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The Latin Pimps
I worked with Eric Guerrero in the mid 1990's on a cruise ship. He was in the orchestra & could
Photos: Dallas Heritage Village Charleston'd its way through history on Saturday
SUCH a great party - thanks for covering! I hope they do this again next year. Great fundraiser for
Photos: Homegrown hopmasters debut new beers at Brew Riot in Oak Cliff
enj0y every day in life ummm.,its a very nicepic
leahbyrd, anonymous:
a burger made of butternut squash would make me barf too...
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Egorsti, anonymous:
I've read a few reviews of this place and it sounds awful, and I'm bummed because I bought a Groupon for it.
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beda50, anonymous:
I can assure you the DMN didn't base their review on any patty other than a beef one, as you should have done.
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brookep1969, anonymous:
Ashli Michelle -
YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO REVIEW RESTAURANTS PLEASE STOP TRYING TO PRETEND THAT YOU ARE! You are a blogger/wanna be restaurant critic, and quite frankly, it is embarrassing. Your "schtick" for being rude and snarky is nothing more than a desperate cry for attention to your pathetic blog, and it is completely unprofessional.
Yes, Katsup is less than great. But, REPORT THE FACTS and base your point on that, not the vomit in your mouth which you (secretly) love to regurgitate.
Also, please go back to first grade English and learn how to spell, the correct use punctuation, grammar, proper use of hyphens, and how to use numbers in sentences. Note: Pay close attention sentence structure. You might also want to pick up a copy of a recent copy of the Associated Press Stylebook, but that might be a bit much for an amateur like you to handle.
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foodbevlaw, anonymous:
Was the last poster being ironic, or is her sentence structure flawed, too?
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Jason Rice, verified:
Never let it be said that we didn't offer encouragement to follow your dreams.
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brookep1969, anonymous:
SEE, even foodbevlaw knows basic English (good catch, btw). Irony is a b*tch!
I'd hope the Editor would have higher standards and would enforce basic punctuation and grammar, but, apparently, the content partner program has ZERO quality standards.
All joking aside, there's only room for ONE Alice Laussade in this town. Even she knows that random, off-brand humor is only effective when there are reader relevant facts to support the point of the article.
Ashli, you should really just stick to clear heels and stripper poles. There are plenty of guys who will pay a lot of money for a woman with a mouth like yours. Writing and food reviews just aren't your gig, sorry.
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Jason Rice, verified:
.... and the "Follow" button for Brooke1969 gets a healthy click
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
i'm a fan of Ashli's writing. it's so hard to stand out in the world of restaurant reviews - they all sound the same - but Ashli's are unique. she adds a lot of color and personality, and i find her to be very funny.
but if i didn't, i'm not sure i would resort to calling her a stripper. that seems a little mean and kind of sad, 'specially coming from another female
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SitizenKane, anonymous:
Being unique isn't a reporting qualification IMO........but then I am guessing that "Ashli" is from the Stuart Smalley generation that everybody got a ribbon for being a "winner"...........
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SitizenKane, anonymous:
Why PN continues to link to her stories is beyond me. It really lowers the PN brand IMO.
Is PN so content hungry they print this kind of stuff?
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Jason Rice, verified:
So there are no other snarky condescending twenty-somethings broadcasting utterly superior disdain for darned near everything?
There's this thing called "Television" and there seems to be a reasonable plenitude of that brand of brilliance. I wonder if any of them would be interested in food critique. I also hear that demographic has just flocked to this "blogosphere" thing and from a quick sampling, this signature self important smugness seems rather replete within the genre.
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James Scott, verified:
In all fairness, she's probably right about the DMN giving the "best burger" award to Ketchup before they added that butternut squash couscous - and even coming from a vegan, that picture does look pretty barfy to me.
I don't remember all of this hatred and venom when The Quest for the Ultimate Burger did his reviews on PN. That guy couldn't write a complete sentence above the level of a 5th grade education to save his life (much less use mostly proper grammar). They were straight reviews with no personality, i.e., absolutely wrist-slittingly painful to read.
These reviews may be on the opposite spectrum, but just because it's not your cup of tea doesn't mean you have to resort to Dallas Observer style commenting. I think that's what used to set Pegasus News apart, but maybe not so much anymore.
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
James Scott, thanks for your comment - i think some people have more trouble with women voicing their opinions than men. as a pretty good point of comparison, we have another new content partner, The Glut Life, whose approach is similarly offbeat and yet he hasn't spawned any of the venom that Ashli has provoked. interesting that nobody is calling him a stripper or accusing him of fluff:
http://www.pegasusnews.com/content-pa...
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Jason Rice, verified:
Because his garish and gruesome tag logo pretty much had me skipping it altogether.
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Jason Rice, verified:
as for "women's opinions" .... that's pretty much how the world is set up.
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
Jason Rice, it makes life kinda hard for us opinionated females though. when i worked at the DMN in their heyday, they had about a dozen male critics in the arts department and ... one female. and nobody was killing any damn spiders
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Jason Rice, verified:
Not good Man.
Let spider kill Man.
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brookep1969, anonymous:
Teresa,
Have you actually read the garbage Ashli Michelle cranks out?
How do you expect to be taken seriously in your industry, when you would defend such TERRIBLE writing and questionable standards of ethics? Please correct me if I am wrong, but aren't you trying to form professional relationships with, and earn the trust and respect of the people who work in the restaurant industry and own the very establishments that Ashli so brazenly bashes for her own personal musing?
Your defense of her writing and criticism towards me for making the stripper reference makes me sad that I need to clarify my point for you.
I have NO problem whatsoever with women, or anyone else, expressing themselves. But I DO have a problem with self-absorbed bloggers who think that just because they have a keyboard and an opinion, that somehow makes them qualified or entitled to say and do anything they want. Who the hell do they think they are to pass judgement on people and legitimate businesses who provide jobs, pay taxes and have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to bring a product to market?
There are so many restaurants and hard working people out there who Ashli disparages, defames and discredits for no other purpose than to amuse herself and further her own personal agenda of being "famous." She is rude, abrasive and offers no basis for her long winded and mostly off-topic rambling criticisms.
I have a problem with Ashli's writing because she goes into establishments with an agenda to create drama and her deliberate (and often malicious) goal to create a story that supersedes her objectivity and responsibility as a writer. THAT is why she EARNED the stripper reference (it was a metaphor for her misguided attempt to seek attention compounded by her gross and lack of ethics and integrity).
I don't expect a restaurant critic to be a flip-flop bounding, pom pom waving cheerleader, but I do expect criticism and accusations to be factually based, constructively delivered and respectfully written, without personal prejudice or preconceived bias notions. This is what makes her contribution an EPIC FAIL!!!!
The Ashli's of the blog-o-sphere are bad enough, but I have an even bigger problem with a "legitimate" news source being so desperate for content that they've turned their Dining section into a virtual Open Mic Night. How are readers supposed to accept articles published by Pegasus to be credible when there are ZERO quality standards, the Editor refuses to enforce basic copy writing or ethics guidelines, and their "real" on staff reporters openly encourage and endorse this type of behavior?
I'm done with you Pegasus, best of luck.
Peace OUT!
Brooke
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ashli michelle, anonymous:
Somebody needs a hug.
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SitizenKane, anonymous:
Defending crap reviews by playing the feminist card?
Your better than that TG...........I'll give you a mulligan.
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Teresa Gubbins, staff:
SitizenKane - appreciate it. weak moment on my part
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Jason Rice, verified:
And in deep respect for your usual circumspect style:
intentionally left blank
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ashli michelle, anonymous:
Reading troll comments is nonsense. Bite me. All trolls need to take a bite. Bite twice. Extra hungry trolls are encouraged to take another bite.
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Jason Rice, verified:
We can see you are so very far above it.
Oh,wait....
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kmenninger85, anonymous:
Maybe you got a bad one. I am a pretty picky vegetarian and I actually really like the butternut squash couscous burger--I have ordered it on multiple occasions.
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james3393, anonymous:
First time viewer. Last time viewer. BTW Brook's last post was more fun to read than Ashli's entire blog.
I won't be wasting my time reading junk like this though.
Ashli, grow up.
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Egorsti, anonymous:
I used my Groupon at Ketchup Burger Bar last night. And I have to say, the food was surprisingly awful. The only good part was the beef patty itself--it tasted like it was cooked in the backyard over charcoal briquets. But everything else was subpar. The fries were very disappointing. They were all tiny little pieces, barely enough to hold onto when dipping into ketchup. The buffalo fries were soggy and rubbery. The parmesan fries were good, but fries longer than 1 inch each would have made them more enjoyable. But the worst part was their "special" ketchups. Each was worse than the next. I'm really not picky, but I couldn't believe how awful they tasted. The green one, I swear, tasted rotten. We just used regular ketchup. The waitress was friendly and explained the menu to us, and mispronounced a few things. We got a draft beer and a glass of wine during happy hour. Ten minutes before happy hour was over, we started trying to get the waitress' attention to order another round. She finally came over two minutes after happy hour was over to ask if we wanted another round. We said we'd been trying to do that, and asked if we could still get the happy hour price and she said no. We really felt she ignored us on purpose until after happy hour. Then a guy came by to bus our table and he frenetically and somewhat rudely yanked everything off the table and into a bin as if we weren't sitting there. Anyway, I can't imagine this place will last very long. The food is just not good--at least, not the Ketchup Burger or the Turkey Burger or the regular, parmesan, and buffalo fries.
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What do you think?