Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know a Star: Loui Eriksson

by Todd Maternowski

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This week, we hit on a few fun facts about the Swedish Condor.

Good morning, hockey fans! Last week we explained why your favorite team will not make the playoffs, using simplistic words we knew even Flyers fans could read. This week, we're digging deep to divulge delicate dinformation about the one Dallas Star no one seems to know anything about: the enigmatic Loui Eriksson.

Who is this half-man, half-legend, top secret Swedish Centaur? Join us as we scour the back alleys of Wikipedia for answers.

Name: Loui Eriksson

Acceptable Nicknames: Loui Loui, The Swedish Condor, Loui the Red, The Viper of Stockholm, The Baltic Nightmare, The Ninja of Frolundja

Unacceptable Nicknames: Sweedy

Born in: Gothenborg

Is that...? The most metal-sounding city of all time? Yes.

Height: 6-2

Weight: 193 pounds

Wingspan: 15 feet

Underrated?: Yes.

Defining Moment as a Dallas Star: Probably this sick, sick shorthanded game-changing goal.

Nicest Comparison: Jere Lehtinen

Meanest Comparison: Whichever one of the Sedin twins that sucks

Strengths: Skating ability, speed, puck patience, vision, awareness, sniper shot, defensive reliability

Weaknesses: A Møøse once bit his sister

Better Than Brad Richards in 2011-12?: Yes

Who Wants Him: Women, NHL GMs

Who Wants to Be Him: Men

Preferred DnD Character: Paladin

Least Similar Game of Thrones Character: Theon Greyjoy

Looks Eerily Similar To: Alexander Skarsgård

Looks Nothing Like: Tyler Perry's Madea

Most Appropriate Music Video: This one works on many levels.

Career Goals: Multiple Stanley Cups and Olympic Gold Medals, maybe a single mention from at least one East Coast hockey media outlet per season

Worst Fear: Taking a Finnish algebra test in his underwear

Things He Does Better Than You: Hockey, Life

If He Was a Beer, He'd Be: Oppigårds Drakens DIPA

Alternate Universe Career: Male model, Beowulf

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