Tuesday, November 6, 2012
The X List: 12 reasons to vote for Mitt Romney in 2012
As if you needed 12 more reasons for four more years of ogling the U.S.S. Dreamboat!
If you're reading this and still haven't voted, don't sweat it too much, since voting doesn't actually change anything important. But if you must entertain your irrational sense of self-importance this morning, here are 12 reasons why the Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan ticket deserves your vote.
#1: Mormon underwear is actually pretty comfortable.
#2: Romney's promised 12 million jobs in the lucrative pool boy, stablehand, and sultry French maid industries.
#3: We need to drive that Muslim atheist out ASAP so we can get started on the Bush I and Bush II pyramids.
#4: Always wanted to learn Mandarin; now have a pressing need to do so.
#5: His 34% approval rating as governor was just a pre-emptive communist plot.
#6: No one will be tougher on Iran than a former male cheerleader who's fluent in French.
#7: Jesus was never really serious about all that "give all you have to the poor" crap anyway.
#8: The GOP has cut a deal with The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to "hold off" on 1000 years of darkness if Romney gets enough electoral votes.
#9: Because Mitt will not rest until he can pass a Constitutional amendment replacing that horrid and barbaric Olympic Basketball with a far more civilized sport like this.
#10: It's time to send all those liberal hippie fatcats in Washington a message.
#11: Wealthy white men in expensive suits have never done us wrong before; why would they start now?
#12: His soothing, comforting complete lack of melanin.