Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know a Future Star: Brett Ritchie
Hockey will come back when and only when Ritchie decides he's good and ready.
Good morning, hockey fans! Last week we stuck our proverbial forks in the five biggest turkeys in Dallas Stars history. This week, as part of our continuing non-coverage of the ockoutlay, we're going to focus instead on one of the emerging key pieces of the future of the Dallas Stars. Of course, I'm talking about power forward and all-around bad arse Brett Ritchie.
Ritchie currently has 42 points in just 27 games with the Niagara Icedogs, and recently had an eight-game goal scoring streak snapped. The kid is huge, fast, incredibly skilled in and around the net and projects out to precisely the type of player every single NHL GM hopes to one day acquire once they finally stop drafting skinny offensive defensemen.
Normally a player of Ritchie's size and skill set is not available to a team like the Stars, but fortunately --thanks largely to a prolonged illness-caused slump in the minors right before the draft-- he fell into our laps at 44th overall, 30 picks after the Stars selected their other franchise cornerstone, Jamie Oleksiak.
But beyond the gaudy scoring stats, what do we need to know about this giant among men, this Second Coming of Odin? Here are the facts you'll be quoting to your friends from rival Pacific Division teams as they turn to you in disbelief and ask "Who the hell is that guy?"
Name: Brett Ritchie
Born In: Orangeville, Ontario
Will One Day Be Buried In: A titanium-plated pyramid made of crushed Soviet tanks and Blackhawks fans' tears.
Large and in Charge?: Correct.
Acceptable Nicknames: Ritchy, Fistrich, The Iron Beast, Scourge of the Frozen Wastes
Unacceptable Nicknames: Fredo
Defining Moment as a Dallas Star: Getting stolen in the second round of the 2011 draft because 29 teams don't understand that mono is a temporary condition.
Nicest Comparison: Cam Neely
Meanest Comparison: Evgeny Artyukhin
Strengths: Bash, Cleave, Whirlwind, Intimidate, Hammer of the Ancients
Weaknesses: North America to run out of delicious grizzlies by 2022 if he doesn't change his daily diet.
Better Than James Neal in 2013?: Yes
Who Wants Him: Women, Brian Burke
Who Wants to Be Him: Most vertebrates
Least Similar Game of Thrones Character: Sansa Stark
Looks Eerily Similar To: William Zabka
Looks Eerily Nothing Like: DJ Jazzy Jeff
Career Goals: Captaincy and Cup by age 25
Worst Fear: Thornton Melon
Thing He Does Better Than You: Hockey
If He Was a Beer, He'd Be: Sam Adams Triple Bock
Alternate Universe Career: A Central Asian God of War
See more stories in:
- Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Fare Thee Well, GM Joe, We Hardly Knew Ye
- Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Alas, Poor Michael Ryder, We Hardly Knew Ye
- Thursday Morning Cupcheck - A USA-Canada WJC Diary
- Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Your Complete Guide to the 2013 World Junior Championship
- Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know a Future Star: Jamieson Oleksiak