Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know an Ex-Star: Krys Barch

by Todd Maternowski

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He may not have won any fights these past six years, but I dare you to find a better jersey-tugger.

Good morning hockey fans! Here's hoping the owners lift the lockout before they become yet another cautionary tale on what happens when you screw over your most critical employees.

But rather than re-hash another amazingly well-crafted Pulitzer-ready tell-all about the lockout, we at Pegasus are going to instead explore the human side of the owners' decision: the effect of the lockout on former Dallas Star and notorious pugilist, Krys Barch.

Barch recently made headlines --hockey headlines, anyway-- when he rambled on twitter about how the lockout affects marginal NHLers like himself. While fans had a variety of opinions regarding his rant, the question on many minds was: Who is Krys Barch? What insights can he offer on this trying time in hockey history? And, are you going to eat that?

As die-hard Stars fans, we've had a special relationship with Barchy over the years, and feel eminently qualified to slop this collection of Fun Facts together.

Better Know an Ex-Star: Krys Barch

Name: Krystofer Barch

Acceptable Nicknames: Barchman, Barchie, Five Minute Jabs, Dr. Smack, JawBane, The Punkslayer.

Unacceptable Nicknames: A**whip

Born in: Hamilton

Which is...: The only real hockey town in all of Ontario.

Height: 6' 1

Weight: 237

Hockey Goon Weight Class: Should be Heavyweight, fights like Bantam

Fun Facts?: Yes

Opulence?: Nyet

Defining Moment as a Dallas Star: That one fight in six years where he didn't get his face completely curbstomped.

Good in the Room?: Yes.

Good on the Ice?: Ehh.... next question.

Nicest Comparison: Tyler Durden

Meanest Comparison: Glass Joe

Who Wants Him: Cam Janssen, Paul Bissonette

Who Wants to be Him: Hockey bloggers, literally no one else

Greatest Strengths: Good teammate, takes a punch like a champ

Greatest Weaknesses: Fistccuracy

Preferred DnD Character: Hit Point Tank

Looks Eerily Similar To: Your tax accountant.

Looks Eerily Nothing Like: Legolas

Career Goals: To connect with a haymaker before he retires, maybe play double-digits minutes in a single game.

Worst Fear: Leprosy

Things He Does Better Than You: Twitter.

If He Was a Beer, He'd Be: A pint of Guinness with a shot of scotch submerged in it.

Alternate Universe Career: Stunt man, Russian mafia bodyguard

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